


Not so Faded Scars

by qmzr



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Being Subaru is suffering, Ferris is trans, I saw the nightmare that was s2 e11 and felt compelled to write something, comfort coming at some point, i know rbd doesn’t work like that but humor me, looots of beatrice later on, we have finally reached significant canon divergence, yell at me for continuity errors because i literally just wing every single chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:28:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26508985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qmzr/pseuds/qmzr
Summary: Every time Subaru dies, he’s also left with something more physical than mental scarring. Not even return by death can heal all his wounds if he accumulates them so fast.
Comments: 151
Kudos: 534





	1. Small Red Flags

**Author's Note:**

> Yall, re:zero is a fucking nightmare. I genuinely find myself wondering how much he can take before completely snapping. This is from a person who only got a slight chill from episode 15 
> 
> no beta, so read at your own risk.
> 
> Might stay a oneshot. Currently Emilia's pov but might change it if I continue. After all, I'm appalled at how few re:zero fics are on here

In hindsight, one of the first red flags Emilia noticed, as minor as it was, happened only a few days after Subaru arrived at the mansion.

The newest member of the Roswaal camp had been quite energetic yesterday, zooming back and forth with zeal and spouting off strange phrases she was sure were idioms of some sort from his homeland. It was almost childish, and admittedly a bit amusing. At least until he collapsed from exhausting his gate.

It was strange how much he struggled when he had a viable reason to take it easy, but she gave him the bocco fruit anyway when he forced himself to sit up.

  
  


She could tell something was wrong, though she only really confided her mild unease to Puck. Of course, what he told her only made her more concerned.

_The inside and outside… seem all jumbled up and confused._ He’d said. _This might be troublesome._

Unfortunately, that same energy from yesterday was clearly becoming something more frenetic as the day went on. In the glimpses she got of him throughout the mansion, there was something oddly strained about his enthusiasm especially considering the hoarse bouts of coughing he’d occasionally get.

Once she’d even seen him hastily yank out a handkerchief, cover his mouth with it, and shove it furtively in his pocket after coughing into it. Suspicious.

“Now, now, Lia, your forehead’s all wrinkly. Stress is bad for you.”

“Oh hush. I’m just thinking.”

“About?” the spirit asked, playfully floating upside down.

Emilia sighed and made a pouting expression as she watched him hover around. “Don’t feign confusion, you already know.”

“Mmhm. You wanna know how you can help?” 

She stared at the ground, twiddling her fingers and mumbling, “He only asked for my name. I still feel like I owe him a lot, even if he says I don’t. It feels like he’s getting the short end of the stick and seeing a boy like him pushing himself to the point of so much discomfort is…”

“Something you don’t enjoy?” finished Puck.

“Yes. Do you think I could cheer him up somehow?” asked Emilia, face faintly scrunched in thought. “What does Subaru like?”

For a second Puck seemed as if he were going to answer, but a large yawn took over instead. “Sorry, Lia. Looks like it’s time for me to go. ”

“Puck! You’re just going to leave?”

“You’re my daughter. I believe in your judgement. Plus, he already told you, right?” And with that, he faded away and went to sleep. Goodness.

Wait, Subaru actually did mention something like that before zipping off somewhere, didn’t he? Something about a lap pillow?

Her cheeks pinked and she shook her head. Alright, she might as well give it a try, but first she actually had to find him. That was one inconvenient thing about living in such a large mansion, if she had to name any complaints. Living by yourself in a snowy land with no friends tended to lower expectations.

Roaming the halls, she checked a few probable rooms he might’ve been in. The bath, the kitchen, the clothing room, but she couldn’t seem to find him despite it all until she heard the clicking of heels down the hallway. A glint of blue hair disappeared around the corner and Emilia’s pace picked up to an indoor running speed.

“Rem! Have you seen Subaru anywhere?”

An oddly guarded look flashed across the maid’s face at the mention of his name, but it was gone as soon as Emilia blinked. A trick of the light?

“Coincidentally, I have. Last I saw, he was speeding down the hall in this direction,” Rem flatly said while pointing to her left.

Emilia began to turn as she responded, “Thank you! I should be going n-”

“May I ask why?”

“Eh?”

“May I ask why?”

“Ah, that wasn’t… oh, it’s alright. I just want to tell him something. He’s making me worried.”

“He should,” she quickly whispered under her breath

“What?”

“Nothing. Just be careful.”

Emilia once again resumed walking down the hall, before she partially turned her head back to meet Rem’s eyes.

“Rem?”

“Yes?”

“I trust Subaru enough to know he doesn’t mean harm.”

She gave her a long, measuring stare before saying, “Yes, Miss Emilia.”

It was somewhat dim inside, as it wasn’t dark enough to warrant turning the lights on in the halls but less of it reached in to illuminate her path. A bright light from an open door was sure to catch her attention and she drew close like a moth to a lamp.

What sounded like retching reached her ears and she halted.

Was he ill? No, it couldn’t be; she had checked him out while healing him earlier and there was no sign of it. Was it... could it be from stress?

A marginal furrowing of her brow was the only visible change in her demeanor as she walked forward with a renewed resolve, the soft, rhythmic tapping of shoes on carpet barely warning Subaru of her presence as she stopped beside the bathroom door. He was too busy quietly talking to himself to notice someone right out of sight.

He stepped out, rubbing off some stray water droplets on his face.

“Subaru.”

He almost flinched. She could see the mask slip right on.

“Emilia-tan!” he exclaimed with a light cheer he definitely did not have.

“Subaru,” she repeated. “Come with me.”

“What? A personal invitation straight from Emilia-tan? Wow, things are moving so fast, how amazing! How joyous!” he exclaimed, striking dramatic poses with each phrase.

His eyes looked exhausted, and so did the rest of him even as he continued to spout.

“Quite embarrassing, if I do say so mysel-”

“Listen.”

“Aw come on,” he plowed on, apparently determined to keep the act going. “Emilia-tan would never be so cold! Are you some sort of imposter? But an imposter would never be able to compare so well to-”

Emilia put on a firmer tone. “You heard me, come on, let’s go,” she ordered, cutting him off and pulling a confused Subaru into the nearest room.

“Sit here.”

“On the floor?”

“Just sit.”

“Okay! With pleasure, ma’am!” he declared, jumping forward and taking the spot.

Finally relaxing her stern demeanor, she smiled and dropped down beside him. He stared on in confusion.

“Just once, okay?” she said, gently hooking her hand on his side. 

He seemed to have proposed it almost as a joke in the beginning, but the complete lack of resistance as she pulled his head into her lap was still odd, like he hadn’t even considered the possibility of this happening. It was a bit endearing.

They threw around a few questions and answers as she covered his eyes (it was still embarrassing, after all) and pet his hair.

Every soft word of comfort seemed to crack his mask further and further. She could hear his responses becoming more and more wobbly, barely holding up the pretense of casual banter until she leaned forward, and quietly, she said-

“It’s been rough, hasn’t it?”

That made him break.

She watched as that shaky smile finally slid off his face. She could feel his tears dripping onto her thighs, beading up and rolling onto the ground in streams. She listened as he sobbed, spilled his out thoughts, and wore himself down to exhaustion.

She held his hand in her gentle grip as he drifted into sleep, a little less burdened than before.

Subaru’s hands were very soft and smooth, not roughened by physical labor or age, but it wouldn’t fool her into thinking he wasn’t a hard worker.

It was easy to lose track of time after the sun set, and she couldn’t tell how long they stayed right there until Rem stumbled upon the duo and walked up to them, surveying the situation.

“He looks like a child, doesn’t he?” Emilia half-whispered with a smile.

Rem remained more passive. “Somewhat, but he does look like he can’t do anymore work today.”

“What a bad boy, taking time off on his second day,” she jokingly chastised, lightly pinching his cheek. He shifted a bit in his sleep. “When he wakes up later, you can discipline him.”

“I almost don’t want to, seeing him right now.”

Emilia smiled, and Rem’s stern demeanor softened. She turned to leave. “I will inform my sister that he’ll be useless the rest of today.”

“Rem.”  
  


The maid halted.  
  


”Subaru’s a good person.”

* * *

When Subaru first woke up, he had rubbed at his eyes confusedly. The boy took a while to process what had happened, but Emilia couldn’t find it in herself to be annoyed with his groggy, uncomprehending face, so she just sat there until realization clubbed him over the head and he turned red up to his eartips.

Quickly, he worked himself into a panic and dashed out the door. When Emilia got up to look, it was almost as if he’d vanished. She let out a good-natured sigh.

Today was quite the unusual day, the second oddest after the fiasco with the insignia, but for some reason, those sort of things seem to happen whenever Subaru’s around. Regardless, it was time to get ready for bed. The normal time for that had passed long ago.

She was willing to go to bed a little later than normal if she could help someone out, not that she’d admit it.

A hop, skip, and a jump away found Emilia walking into a bathroom. It was there that she first noticed something wrong.

A small, deep red smudge was smeared onto where Subaru had been resting his head, but she didn’t remember seeing any cuts on his face. Just several pale streaks across his stomach when his shirt hitched up and a few faded bruises that she’d swear hadn’t been there two days prior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re wondering where subaru vanished to, he went to go monologue about his embarrassment to Beako
> 
> EDIT: i’ve realized that puck would never suggest “his precious lia” give a boy a lap pillow, but it’s a tad late to change it


	2. Spiderwebs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Subaru's not in good shape, the sequel (but this time at Crusch's place)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love not knowing anything medical. I’m mostly going by Subaru’s successful runs (while only regarding the damage he gains in the failed loops), though that may change as we get to season 2.
> 
> Also, before you ask, I’m headcannon-ing (is that a verb?) Ferris as a trans girl in my fic because I feel like it. Don’t @ me. I’ve heard WN/LN Ferris is a bit less morally inclined sometimes, but I’m an anime only so I’ll just go with my current impressions.
> 
> *This is a reupload of chapter 2 since ao3’s dating system messed the upload up. I don’t remember setting a specific publication date for the whole of this fic, so I’m not quite sure how that happened

Today was a very strange day for Rem in quite a few ways. It started out as normally as it could’ve in their circumstances till they walked out to the marketplace.

She was clutching a small basket of appas and humming to herself as she stared at a stand’s collection of fruit, Subaru standing around nearby. With slight guilt, she would have to admit that having him all to herself was a treat she rarely had, and at the moment, she had to contain her giddiness at her love’s presence lest she break a maid’s code of conduct. 

All of that warm buzz abruptly ended as the stench of the witch flooded her senses. That could only be-

“Subaru, are you alright?”

He turned to her, and Rem almost gasped. Dark shadows hung underneath his eyes, but more alarmingly, a spiderweb of white streaks covered parts of his face; it was as if he were a clay cup that someone shattered and was glued back together with the most brilliantly white glue they could find.

Approaching him, she lifted a concerned hand to touch his face. But before she knew it, they were running full speed down the street, appas scattered on the ground and abandoned. 

It was now that she noticed a slight mottling all over his skin. There were also some more bright lines around his fingers and unnervingly, a rough line that traced a circle around his neck. She thought about the previous image of that cracked cup and shook her head, trying to get that horrible picture out of her head. The miasma felt heavy.  
  


They came to a stop at the top of an empty plaza and Subaru exploded into a massive outburst of self hatred. It was a dangerous downward spiral that Rem knew she had to correct.

* * *

Despite Subaru’s new influx of courage and determination, it didn’t stem the flow of one of Rem’s other worries that came to light after all was said and done.

Both Anastasia Hoshin and Russell Fellow had exited with cheerful smiles on their faces and left Subaru, the Crusch camp, and Rem to their devices. 

Thankfully, the atmosphere had become far more relaxed. All the main details and agreements had been sorted out.

Subaru collapsed in his seat in relief after the negotiations finally concluded as a success, but when the senior swordsman standing next to him, apparently an Astrea, bowed and thanked him, Subaru (no doubt to thank Wilhelm for his aid, of course) tried to get back up.

Only to flump back into his seat. Subaru blinked.

Somehow, this was the moment when the entire room chose to go quiet from surprise for more than a few seconds. Crusch was the first to regain her bearings with a faint smile.

“Oh my, that relieved, are you?”

He flushed pink in embarrassment, and despite herself, Rem made sure to burn the image into her memory.

“Huh, I guess all the adrenaline running through me gave out?” He shrugged in a vain attempt to look relaxed.

Ferris narrowed her eyes at him. “You knyow, somehow I think there’s more to that statement than you’re letting on.”

“Normally say that I’m completely fine,” sighed Subaru, “but it was probably the only reason I didn’t pass out on the sidewalk today. Sorry, could you let me sit here for a little while longer?”

“Haa? I’ll do better than that! My healer vision’s telling me I gotta take a better look at you,” exclaimed Ferris.

“Huh? What?” he sputtered, putting both hands up. “No, it’s alright, I’ll be fine by-”

_“Natsuki Subaru.”_ Crusch stated flatly.

He paused.

“Don’t think I wouldn’t notice your very recent change in appearance either. I won’t pry, but make sure it will not hamper our future progress. Go with Ferris. I’m still contracted to heal you, regardless of our current deal.”

A small nod from Crusch, and Rem understood the unsaid message. She lifted Subaru up with minimal complaint, looped his arm across her shoulders, and the duo trailed after Ferris out the door. It didn’t take long for them to make it to their guest room.

“Subaru-kyun,” she stated after giving him a once-over. “You should really ask for help when you need it.”

Said patient squirmed under Ferris’ stern gaze. She leaned forward and stared directly into his eyes. “How on earth are you displaying slight symptoms of frostnip when Lugunica hasn’t dropped below freezing in the past week? Were you attacked with ice magic?”

“Uhh. I got stuck in a freezer for a while? I’m alright.”

“If I could use Crusch’s divine blessing, the winds of untruth generated by those lies would blast me out the room. I don’t even knyow what a freezer is and I can tell it’s nonsense. You seem to at least have an idea of what’s going on, so spill.”

Subaru frowned in discomfort. “I’ve had this sort of issue for a while now. Sometimes wounds just pop up on me out of nowhere.”

“Oh? And how long has it been going on for?” she egged on.

“I - well, it’s been going on a while now. Maybe for a month or two?”

“Are the pale lines around your body and your mottled skin related?”

“Maybe, but they seem random, I think."

“Is there something that seems to spark it? What sort of wounds are the most common?”

“They kinda hit me out of nowhere. I’m not really sure what kind of wounds happen the most, but I sometimes cough up a bit of blood without warning?”

Ferris’ eyes widened. “Coughing up blood without warning? That’s nyot a good sign at all. It might be a chronic unknyown illness that weakens you to the point where your body starts to break down sporadically over time, but that doesn’t explain some of the current symptoms you’re displaying. It cannyot be any curse I knyow of either, but you also haven’t been cursed, period.”

“Heh, I’ve always been different. I guess I’m a medical anomaly?” he muttered sheepishly

Different didn’t even begin to explain the current predicament. She huffed.

“Yes, you are. Very much so.” Suddenly, a predatory gleam shined in her eyes. “Had I been an evil researcher, I would’ve snatched you up as a case study subject in the dead of night.”

A chill seemed to zip down Subaru’s spine and he scrambled back in a feat of instinctual self-preservation. Or maybe it was simple fear? Smart, but futile.

“Nyow, nyow, I won’t hurt you,” Ferris laughed, holding up her hands in appeasing manner. “It’s nyot like I have a scary prison in the basement for people like you!”

“That makes you sound even more suspicious!” he cried, waggling an accusatory finger at her.

She scratched at her falsely innocent face and looked off whimsically. “Hm? I suppose I have a better motive to do so than most.”

“Hey hey, aren’t you supposed to deny that?”

She sighed, then crossed her arms and assumed a more serious expression.

“People who don’t divulge all the important details are the scourge of healers everywhere,” she said flatly. “It’s obvious you’re hiding something, but you genuinely seem like you want to cooperate with the whale hunt and you’re a terrible liar. I’ll indulge you for now, but the consequences are going to catch up if you keep going like this, so you better learn your lesson real quick.”

A flash of apprehension crossed his face. She took note of it and plowed on.

“My duty, first and foremost, is to aid Crusch. As long as you can promise that what’s happening to you won’t impede our current goal, I will let this go no matter how much it bothers me, at least for nyow.”

Her eyes sharpened. “So do you promise? Do you swear that you’ll perform to the utmost in order to make the whale hunt a success?”

For the first time since the talk began, he held eye contact with a clear, steady gaze. “I swear on my life.”

The room stayed silent as they stared on. Ferris’ ear twitched and broke the tense atmosphere. “I don’t have time at the moment to drill you more, so count yourself lucky,” she spoke, closing her eyes and tilting her head to the side.

Subaru let out a breath and relaxed his shoulders as he said, “I’m a pretty determined guy, if nothing else.”

“Yep, I at least know that. I just wonder why you’re so determined to sweep your ‘condition’ under the rug.”

“I-” he cut himself off, hesitating. “I don’t... I really-” he murmured. It was only due to Ferris’ keen hearing that she could actually pick up bits of what he was saying.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing.”

“Hm. Alright then. I’ll fix you up for now. If you do anything stupid, I’ll leave you to perish!” she declared with a giggle.

He groaned. “Don’t say terrible things like that with such a peppy voice.”  
  


* * *

Even now, Rem couldn’t help but worry even with the healing session over. For some reason, healing always seemed to put Subaru in a somewhat drowsy state. Said person was now tucked away in bed and out like a light.

The new lines on his body were quite odd. Their odd qualities could only compare them to the ones she saw on his stomach when Subaru occasionally flipped off his bedsheet cover in his sleep. 

The markings didn’t seem like something that could be healed away, but seem to fade to a near unnoticeable state after a month or so regardless of what happened. They weren’t scars, she knew what those looked like. They sat flat on the skin, the only thing marking the spots as different was simply the coloring. The more physical problems seemed to be more internal, unfortunately.

Rem didn’t know what to make of it all. Despite listening to the conversation, she had mostly stayed out of the way.

Still, Ferris pulled Rem over for a chat after Subaru fell asleep. 

“Hey, I’m unsure if I can trust him to properly divulge his medical history after this is all over, and I’m nyot in contact with any of his normal healers to make them nag at him, if he has any. You probably should keep an eye on him.”

Rem gave her a steady, almost challenging smile. “I will. After all, I’ll never leave Subaru’s side."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Subaru’s a bit of a dumbass here. Never bothered to think about how to explain why he gets random wounds out of nowhere, but then again, he might be a tad too stressed to do that. It's suffering o'clock almost all day in re:zero
> 
> I was gonna make him “swear to the dragon” to Ferris but then I vaguely remembered that Crusch wants to ditch Volcanica. Curses, I’ve been thwarted from using in-canon phrases once again


	3. “Bandana”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s post whale hunt and Julius has to meet up with the rest of the Witch Cult subjugation team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, the shape of Julius’s face reminds me of a barn owl. I hope I’m not the only one who sees this. I mentioned this was going to be his pov, but I also feel like half of this is just him being confused ngl
> 
> With the first cour of s2 done with, I’ve been looking into the web novel (hey, don’t have much money) and I’ve started at the beginning of arc 4. Bless the subreddit’s translation guide.

Julius liked to think of himself as a proper noble knight, but he definitely knew how to throw around his status and power and get away with it, albeit with some reputational damage. Hence the whole debacle of a fight at the capitol, after which Ferris had lectured him for sparing the poor fool the ire of every powerful knight present.

Honestly, he didn’t think he’d run into Natsuki Subaru so soon after his admittedly overdone beatdown, and he especially didn’t expect it to be Natsuki Subaru who was the one responsible for the successful subjugation of the White Whale. It was as if his capability and composure had done a one-eighty within a single week just to pull off this historical feat. 

That was quite admirable. Julius knew when to revise judgement of others, after all.

A messenger delivered orders and he contemplated the situation at hand. Taking on the Witch’s Cult? That was mildly surprising, but he’d welcome the opportunity to knock out a key member of an upside down group like them in exchange for the defeat of the demon beast of the mist, a plague that had been running amok for too long.

In the distance, a small cluster of soldiers came into view, and Ferris’ smiling visage became clearer and clearer. On her side, though, stood the man of the moment gaping at him in pure disgruntled shock. 

He had gained a very strange, very striking pattern on his face that reminded him of splintering glass. Did he somehow receive that from the hunt? 

Introductions were made and they sat down to listen to Subaru. The fellow had the grumpiest, pettiest expression Julius had ever seen until he switched into explanation mode; it almost made him chuckle.

Aside from a slight verbal scuffle between Mimi and Tivey, the group mostly listened to his instructions without complaint.

People would sometimes pitch a question or two. It looked like he’d already taken most of their concerns into consideration and answered with ease, but more than anything, his genuine, unwavering tone suggested Subaru was more prepared than expected. 

The past two days had entirely upended his opinion on Emilia’s self-proclaimed knight. What an enigma, he thought as Subaru stood up and continued with his motivational declarations.

However, partway through a sentence, he stopped with a dazed expression like his mind flew off in the middle of a train of thought. It was quite bizarre. Ricardo stood up and stared straight into his eyes, and Subaru didn’t respond for a moment. The group began murmuring in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” Ricardo asked.

It seemed like that was enough to make Subaru snap back into reality with a surprised “huh?” before Ferris nibbled on his ear.

That was quite the startled reaction out of him, thought Julius as Subaru jerked back with a flustered expression.

“Ferris?”

“Who else would I be?”

Oh dear, was he really that out of it? He could only watch on as the man began talking to himself, saying something about save points, whatever that meant. Then out of nowhere he brought up some odd things that sounded quite like key pieces of information.

Possession, really? That would definitely call for rearranging their attack plan. But with a raised hand and a sheepish grin, he doled out yet another surprise.

“I think he might also be able to possess me. What do you guys think I should do?”

...

_“Haa?”_ exclaimed a third of their group, nonplussed. 

Julius himself blinked a few times and rubbed his chin. “The most direct method I can vouch for is making a contract with a spirit, but first, you must find a spirit willing to do so.”

Subaru sighed. “Yeah, not with our time crunch. That ain’t happening.”

They tossed around a few more ideas before Ferris cupped her hands around her mouth and made an announcement. 

“Okay! For the nyext ten minutes, get your stuff together and be sure you’re prepared. If you’re already good, sit tight till then!”

A chorus of acknowledgement filled the air, and everyone began to wander around or chat to those nearby. Ferris then dropped by Subaru, who had gone back to sitting on the ground.

“Subaru, fess up. Something’s wrong with you again."

He slumped back a bit, but didn’t seem all too annoyed. “I was only going to hide it till the meeting was over. When did you notice?”

“Ever since your space out session, your breathing has started to sound a bit funny,” she asserted. “Don’t underestimate my ears. They’re very sharp. Plus, I can smell a bit of blood coming from you too.”

_Blood? How and why?_

She placed a hand on his chest and closed her eyes. The glow of healing shined as Ferris began rattling off. “The damage doesn’t seem too bad, so it won’t take too long. It’s still weird, though. It’s almost like something wrapped around your torso and crushed you a bit. Your throat’s nyot in the best condition either.”

“Crushed, oh yeah...” he muttered to himself. Seemingly lost in thought, he suddenly straightened his posture with the definition of an epiphany written all over his face. “I got it! I got it!”

Julius stared in confusion as the noise of Ferris lectured Subaru for moving too much went on. “What is it?”

“I think I know what to do about the possession thing now, thanks, Ferris!” Julius attempted to ask Subaru for clarification, Ferris cut in before he could get a word in.

“Huh? Well, that’s good! Glad to be of service.” 

“Is this related to your health condition too? It’s very sudden, so I’m assuming it is.”

Health condition? Subaru seemed quite physically healthy, but the way she said it only made Julius more confused as his questions internally mounted.

Subaru made an x symbol with his arms above Ferris’ palm, which was still hovering above his chest. “Hey hey, aren’t there patient confidentiality laws here or something? Stop disclosing my private information in the presence of others! You’re gonna make Hippocrates cry!”

“There you go again, saying weird things that don’t make sense,” she remarked lightly. “Who’s Hippocrateys?”

“Some doctor guy, I dunno,” Subaru replied, tugging absently at the cloth wrapped around his neck.

“Hm? I don’t remember seeing you wear a bandana before. Is it new?” asked Julius.

“Yeah, I guess.”

Julius hmmed and commented, “I don’t mean to be rude, but it appears to be a cloth napkin from the Crusch household, if memory serves. If not, the material seems similar.”

Subaru let out an undignified ‘urk’ as he twitched. Apparently, his guess was correct. 

“Maybe. Leave it to _you_ to point it out.” 

Despite the accusatory remark, his current demeanor was substantially less huffy than it was at the beginning of the assembly, not that he minded. The less disagreeable the better, especially if they were working toward a common objective together.

“So, what spurred on that clothing choice? I doubt you’d wrap a napkin around your neck for no reason.”

“Well…” he grumbled, pulling it off. “I guess I don’t really have that much of a reason, but everyone keeps staring at it kind of funny.”

Julius didn’t know what he expected, but when he saw that pale line circling his neck, it sent an inexplicable chill down his spine. However, there was another that sat partially atop it. It was more slanted and only reached about a third of the way around but was noticeably brighter than the other. There wasn’t anything obviously bad about the markings, per se, but it simply gave him a general sense of unease.

“There, it’s off. Happy now?”

“Yep! Nyow I can check your throat more easily!”

“Ack! Ferris, you know I wasn’t talking to you!”

He continued to watch the two trade their quasi banter, but Ferris’ expression became fractionally stiffer as she continued to examine and heal him, something only those more familiar with her would notice. “A smooth, physical cut in the throat. It’s more severe than I thought, so you must’ve been tasting blood for a while. I should have gotten to you faster.”

That was enough to push Julius’ concern into a spoken inquiry. “Ferris, I’m sure you would’ve healed everyone right after the hunt, so logic dictates that he got those wounds afterwards.”

“You’d be a fool not to assume that. Subaru, you don’t mind if I share, right?” she asked.

“Ugh, it’s practically already out and I don’t feel like being pestered for answers, so you might as well.”

Was Subaru’s opinion of him really that low? He wasn’t rude enough to press for anyone’s medical information if they really wanted to keep it quiet. It was the only reason he hadn’t asked more.

“Tut tut, is that any way to talk to someone who you’ve entrusted to heal you? Anyway,” said Ferris, turning to face Julius. “Subaru seems to have a condition where random wounds just pop up on him sometimes. It’s quite interesting.” 

That was indeed quite interesting, but was also worrying. “More than anything, should it not be fully addressed and fixed? I’m sure you have some idea as to what it is.”

“Nyot a clue.”

His composure slipped a little and his eyes widened. “Not a clue? You, the greatest water magic user on the continent? The best healer in this country?”

“Oh, you flatter me,” she sighed, “but he’s got me stumped. Thankfully it’s not extreme enough to be fatal, but I can’t help but be curious.”

“Hey hey, stop talking about me when my back isn’t turned, at least. Isn’t it time to go now?”

Ferris nodded. “Yep, and we’re done here too.”

Apparently tired of being prodded at, Subaru got up in a hurry and made his way to his ground dragon. He’d worked with Dianas before, but every time he got near one, they seemed keen to throw him off despite his efforts to befriend them. Somehow he wasn’t surprised that the pair got along swimmingly.

“A little hit to his head really did do Subaru a lotta good, it looks like,” said Ferris nonchalantly. “Maybe even overly prideful civilians need to get knyocked down a peg or two by force before they show their true potential.”

Julius frowned. “I do not like the way you phrase it, but I see your point. However, I still stand by the fact that I went too far, though.”

They both got up and made their way to their ground dragons as well. Adjusting the saddle, he turned to Ferris. “Wait, did you call him a civilian?”

Staring at him oddly, she said, “Yes, didn’t you knyow? He was really weak, remember?”

“I simply thought he was a poorly trained guard.”

Oh lord, Subaru was a civilian? He accepted the duel request, but still…

“You’re surprisingly dull at times, Julius.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t entirely remember how spirit contracts work and even if I go to the wiki, it doesn’t tell me anything. I’m a bit annoyed since you’d generally assume there would be a page with spirit related info, at least.
> 
> I also found a video where only his successful iterations make it through in s1. He kinda do be lookin like a crazy person
> 
> https://www.reddit.com/r/Re_Zero/comments/552bzs/media_rewatching_from_a_single_timeline/


	4. Deep Bruises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the rabbit chapter yall fuckers been clamoring for. Hope I did it justice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4 am, 4 am, give it up for 4 am.
> 
> It’s been a while. I didn’t have any particular ideas for the earlier s2 deaths so we’re immediately jumping to the good stuff, I suppose. Once s2 is done I might switch to something lighter if I’m motivated enough but tbh I'll probably be drawing more by then, so...?

Pain, pain, pain, pain, pain.

Subaru had never experienced something that felt so horrifically, viscerally painful, something that felt so, so much more physically _wrong_ than this. 

The sensation of being simultaneously ripped apart from the inside and outside was enough to push him to the edge of insanity within seconds of realizing what was happening, but fate wasn’t kind enough to let him pass out immediately. It must’ve lasted a few minutes at the most, but...

Why?

Currently, he couldn’t feel the little teeth sinking, tearing, and pulling. He couldn’t feel the soft, warm fur crawling down his throat. His skull had fused back together after those deceptively small fangs cracked it open, and his leg and his hand were reattached.

Why, why?

Subaru couldn’t even attempt to sit up properly. Every single shred of his body had been torn to shreds and dissolved in gastric acid, and it had barely been pulled back into a cohesive pile of sentient flesh at this point.

Why, why, why?

Every twitch made his exposed skin rub against the stone, and even the slightest contact on the rough floor scraped it open. His shirt was marred by little splotches of blood, as the internal friction of cloth on flesh was enough to rub thinner spots into breaking. His mouth foamed a little.

Why, why, why, why?

Emilia, laying beside him, went completely unnoticed as he writhed on the cold floor. Neither his body, spirit, nor mind were shattered. The only thing he could think, the only thing he could barely utter was-

“Why?” he sputtered. “Why? Why? Why? _Why? Why?”_

As he ran out of air to speak with, the trail of words squeezing out of his lungs became hoarser and quieter. Still, he continued.

Even as the voice of a witch whispered into his mind, those words clawed their way out of his mouth; the near inaudible pleading present until his soul was finally pulled into the castle of dreams, rendering his body motionless as his dulled vision was flooded by white.

* * *

Spitting some dirt out of his mouth, Subaru found himself attempting to regain his bearings on reality here yet again. It was no small blessing that Echidna’s actions had stabilized his crumbling sanity in more ways than one. 

Giving mental thank you to the witch that he’d never say out loud, he shifted his thoughts to more immediate issues.

A small puddle of blood had formed around him. In the time he was out, his splitting skin had leaked out enough to soak most of his clothing, and the pain of inhabiting a body barely held together at the seams came slamming back into him. He sat up with a pained huff and some blood he didn’t bother swallowing dripped out and down his chin. Now he could properly get some air.

Breathe in, breathe out. Get a hold of yourself and comfort Emilia. She needs it more than I need rest. The least I could do is reduce her suffering.

Using his barely functional eyes to scan around, he found… nothing? Not even a splotch of lightness could be found in the dim room even as he squinted his eyes and focused harder. A reddish tinge had begun to color his vision, but he didn’t notice.

Wait, did she run out in a panic?

Subaru shot up as fast as he could, only adrenaline fueling him, then immediately regretted it as all his blood rushed from his head. Stumbling, he leaned on the nearest wall and slowly felt his way to the exit. 

Small steps, small steps. Blood dripped onto the wall. Inch forward. Red smears.

Nobody was outside, perplexingly. Neither Emilia, Ram, Otto, Ryuzu, nor Garfiel remained outside the entrance, and he barely had the energy to weakly call their names, let alone yell for them.

There was a real ominous air hanging about. A strange darkness seemed to be hanging around, a darkness deeper and more dangerous than the night. Something familiar.

It was coming toward him. He couldn’t move. Even if he could, his body wouldn’t carry him very far. He couldn’t tell what she was saying, but the intense emotion radiating from her told him everything.

That _thing_ \- Satella, his mind supplied - raised her pallidly pale hands in the moonlight and embraced him with a terribly possessive tenderness. It felt oddly gentle, but he instinctively knew that if there were an attempt to wrest him away, those grasping fingers would chase him down to the end of the world.

He was being smothered by passionate affection, assaulted and violated by overflowing, roiling, twisted love. Flashes of everyone he loved flickered through his mind and he knew the witch was shuffling through his mind.

Suddenly, Subaru was blasted from her arms and the force slammed him none too gently into the wall. His mind, slow from blood loss and jarred by the collision on stone, didn’t process the feeling of being carried about until he was unceremoniously dropped on a rooftop. It took him even longer to notice a bright blob of color swim into view. 

Only one person had hair that luridly yellow in the Sanctuary.

He could barely tell that Garfiel was talking as a soft glow enveloped his head and eased some of his pain, and the flow of warm liquid dripping from his ears was stemmed before he even realized it was happening. 

Dull surprise flooded Subaru as his hearing was partially restored, and the figure, noticing that, began speaking.

“ _-e hell_ happened to you? There’s no way the trial would’ve ripped you up this badly!”

“Why…” Subaru groaned.

“Haa? Speak louder!”

“Why did you save me? Why are you healing me?”

Garfiel clicked his tongue. “You kidding me? I can’t even see any skin under all that blood! Shadows swallowed everyone else up. Ram’s the only reason I escaped and you’re the only one left ‘sides me and the gal back there.”

_“Everyone?”_ Subaru repeated in a horrified whisper.

“Everyone,” he responded through gritted teeth, frustration and partially disguised grief filtering through. “Least I can do is save you right now.”

Subaru found himself believing that rather easily. Garfiel was acting surprisingly kind to Subaru despite him being the miasma-drenched dead weight he currently was. Plus, he hadn’t stopped healing this whole time. 

His vision finally steadied somewhat, but there was little time for celebration. Shadows began to swarm nearby and the witch was likely not far.

“Tch! Looks like we gotta move!”

The sound of light footsteps and shuffling foliage. Subaru whipped his head around to face the noise and widened his eyes in shock. A crowd of pink and white had materialized without his notice in the clearing. Ryuzus? They must be-

“Clones?”

“Don’t worry, they ain’t her. These’re all empty,” he said, clutching his luminous pyroxene crystal. “We’ll shove her outta the way with sheer numbers!”

Subaru couldn’t do anything as the one-sided slaughter happened and the chorus of _“I love you”_ filled the air. Too weak to even stand, he could only lash out verbally and let himself be swallowed up in the sea of shadows, bleeding out quickly as his mind, body, and soul seemed to dissolve and mesh with dozens of others.

In this loop, Subaru would never end himself via a stab to the throat. Echidna merely said her compensation would be paid in full within half an hour of him reawakening. 

_That damn witch._

* * *

Emilia awoke to a light tap on her cheek. It was so light and quick that she almost hadn’t realized it had happened. She sat up and looked around, catching a glimpse of a figure beside her.

“Subaru? Wait, I was just-” 

Disorientation finally giving way to comprehension, she felt a sick wave of fear about to consume her. However, before it could take hold, she noticed a faint chattering noise to her side. Every bit her growing terror was quickly replaced with concern at the utterly shaken look on Subaru’s face.

She lightly placed her palm on his cheek. His frantically wide eyes stared straight at her, and Emilia’s heart ached a little at his pained expression. At her touch, a dam seemed to break. Tears rapidly beaded and rolled down his face.

With ease, she wrapped herself around him in what she hoped was a reassuring hug, and held him even closer as she felt the wracking sobs jolting through his body. Words of comfort came naturally at this point.

Soon, she heard his cries gradually come to a stop, and his tense body went slack. In his exhaustion, he passed out in her arms.

Subaru had a terrible habit of working himself to tears sometimes. It was rather worrying.

...Oh dear, Ram would probably scold her for indulging him, and then scold him for rushing into the tomb, wouldn’t she? Better leave earlier and get it over with. 

Subaru likely wouldn’t wake for quite a while, so she wiped his tears and snot away with a loose bit of her sleeve, picked him up in a bridal carry, and proceeded toward the exit. But then, she paused. She readjusted it to make him lean more on her back, and looped his arm across her shoulders. The boy was already stressed enough without adding the embarrassment of being held like that, though she wasn’t quite sure why he’d think that. Subaru could be a bit silly.

The duo stepped out of the tomb and were greeted by the partially relieved but mostly curious stares of everyone outside. She did as much explaining as she could, but there were still more questions than answers.

“So, Barasu boldly charged in only to cry and pass out? How sad.”

“Now, now, miss Ram. Isn’t that a bit harsh?” asked Otto in an attempt to pacify the scoffing maid.

“Ha. Pity for a kindred spirit, I see,” she rebutted within the second.

Currently, everyone was chatting at the entrance of the tomb. Things had calmed down quickly when Emilia was surprisingly confirmed as fine, and there was little trace of her initial panic left though it was simmering at the back of her mind. She somewhat subconsciously noted Ram and Garfiel’s mild surprise at her composed state as she raised a hand to brush back Subaru’s hair.

The boy had been propped up against a column, and not a sound had come from him the whole time. There was no sign of him waking anytime soon. Apparently he was more exhausted than he had let on till now and was hiding it the whole time.

The half-elf sighed with a hint of chastising concern, then moved toward him to pick him up again. It was at that moment that she noticed something off. Having been distracted by other problems ever since her awakening in the tomb, she never noticed the oddly bright shade of his skin. It was more obvious now that he sat in the moonlight and she really had to wonder.

Her gaze drifted from his face to his hand. More specifically, the spot that she gripped while supporting his weight. It had a dark hand shaped marking printed on it.

“How peculiar? I don’t recall holding on hard enough to bruise so terribly.”

Garfiel entered her field of vision with an assessing gaze. “Well, seems like you sure did seeing th’ results. Didn’t think you had it in ya.”

“Miss Emilia? Holding on strong enough to bruise?” replied Ram in her usual snappy tone, though some other feeling faintly tinged her usual jibes. That maid had always had a sharp tongue and a sharp eye, so she’d probably noticed that something was wrong with Subaru too.

As she drew closer to inspect him, Ram stared at him rather intently.

“His breathing sounds shallow and somewhat ragged. Not at all the breathing pattern of a typical sleeping person. Garf!”

Said boy blinked in surprise.

“Bring him to Merri. Even if you can use rudimentary healing magic, I heavily doubt you could do a proper diagnosis.”

“I hate to admit that, but couldn’t you have said it nicer?” he whined, stepping forward and hauling Subaru onto his back. “But, then again, that’s part of why I like ya.”

It didn’t take much time to arrive at a slightly dingy house with Garfiel toting a body as if it were an abnormally large feather, and after a knock, what looked like a half dog demi-human answered the door. Recognition lit up her eyes and she invited the group in.

Merri hovered over Subaru for a bit, occasionally giving him a gentle prod and rubbing her chin. Finally, she turned to them with a grim expression.

“A substantial amount of blood already seemed to be pooling underneath his skin. With even slightly heavy pressure applied, major bruises form. That means his capillaries are extremely weak right now.”

“Is that particularly grievous?” Otto questioned apprehensively.

“That would be feasibly treatable with mine and Garfiel’s effort,” she answered. “However, the damage runs far deeper than that. It almost seems like his body is barely holding itself together, and his body structure has become quite compromised, to put it in simpler terms. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Emilia didn’t really understand, but she raised her hand. “I can help heal with the aid of lesser spirits. It’s not as potent without Puck, but could I still do something.”

With a resigned shake of her head, Merri said, “It wouldn’t make much of a difference without a very skilled healer, most likely. He’ll be on death’s door very soon.”

A ripple of shock ripped through the room. Even Ram’s eyes widened marginally.

“Subaru’s dying!?”

“What on earth could have caused this? The trial?”

“There’s no way the trial could have done this level of damage!”

Panicked chatter filled the room as everyone came to grips with the given information. Emilia herself could feel all the blood draining from her face. However, she still clung to a spark of hope at a part of the half blood’s statement.

“An exceptional healer? Don’t we already know someone like that...?”

* * *

The first sensation that broke through the darkness of Subaru’s unconscious was a slight vibration-like feeling. Now and then, a larger bump would come, but his muddled mind barely registered anything until he felt something shaking his shoulder.

Weakly, he opened his eyes to a scruffy head of vibrant blond hair and the glow of healing magic.

Subaru almost snorted. “Finally falling into a pattern, huh?”

“Haa? The hell you talking about?” he grunted. “Anyway, shut it unless you wanna drop headfirst to Arga’s domain. You’re already standin’ on the precipice.”

The familiarity of the unfamiliar proverbs was almost reassuring. How strange. He could feel the vitality of life draining from his body at every moment, but he couldn’t bring himself to move.

“Hey, Garfiel.”

“What is it?”

“I’m dying, aren’t I?”

A lull in the conversation. Garfiel actually looked quite uncomfortable. “I’m doing my best to stabilize your condition till we get to that great spirit in the mansion. You wouldn’t believe the fuss your princess put up when realized she couldn’t come along.”

“Aw, did she really? I’m touched,” he chuckled weakly. “Why, though?”

Garfiel stared at him with a funny look in his eye before muttering, “Ya seemed like the frivolous sort, but I didn’t think you’d be making jokes even in this situation. Now, you didn’t think I stopped your super long nap for nothing, right?”

A noncommittal noise. Garfiel took it as a sign to continue.

“Ram told me that the only person who can reliably find her is you. You need to be awake for this.”

Subaru’s vision was going fuzzy at the edges. An annoying buzz filled his ears, but he still nodded to show comprehension. 

Everything was beginning to blur together, but he could still remember some parts. Petra’s frantic tone, Frederica’s anxious one. The sound of Garfiel’s footsteps slowly speeding up as Subaru shook his head at every door he pointed at. 

It felt like ages before a familiar recognition tugged at him. His hand twitched almost reflexively.

Noticing Subaru’s movement immediately, he stopped in front of the nearest door and pushed it open. 

The smell of aged books and old parchment filled Subaru’s nose. He let out a small sigh.

Things had ceased to hold proper form in his vision, but he could’ve sworn a mass of yellow and pink was rushing toward him, shouting in distress, stepping closer. Could’ve sworn that he felt a presence beside him. 

Something warm dripped onto his face as he drifted away into the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did that hurt? It's my first time writing something like this, but I hope it did
> 
> So why didn’t the witch head toward the mansion this time? Probably due to the extent of Subaru’s injuries. Canon is only used until it's inconvenient. I tried to add garf to my tagged characters but i guess he's shown up few enough times that ao3 doesn't recognize him, so I improvised


	5. A Piercing Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice deals with an intruder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a bad habit of using a lot of repetition in this fic. Mostly just this one, for some reason?
> 
> Here’s a Beatrice chapter since she’s probably my favorite side character aside from Otto, Ram, Patrasche, Julius, Reinhard, Meili, and you know what actually? I’ll stop there. I will say that she’s a lot more fun to write than I thought
> 
> this chapter's a tad shorter than usual, but I feel like uploading now. I wish i had a schedule

Reckless, half-witted, and intrusive. If Beatrice was asked to describe Subaru, those would be the first words out of her mouth.

_ “What? I’m insanely scared of dying!” _

He also seemed to be a bit of a liar.

Humans normally feared death, but that line was something Beatrice remembered strangely well. Subaru had claimed it with a highly disgruntled expression before she’d removed his curse. With dramatic, silly gestures, he went off on an oddly rant-like proclamation about dying and fate.

The particular phrase should’ve been lost in the fog of forgotten memories considering the grand scheme of things, but it had stuck at the back of her mind throughout the whole period she’d known him for, resurfacing only occasionally for her to ponder. Perhaps it was simply due to how incongruous that statement was, considering how many life-threatening situations he always seemed to throw himself into. 

First, it was the evisceration after that silly girl lost her insignia. Then, it was the mabeast attack. After that, there was likely an altercation with Guese. She wasn’t stupid. The spirit wouldn’t go down without a fight, and Subaru probably took a few fairly decent hits.

Reckless, half-witted, and intrusive. Without a doubt, she could say he was an idiot who never seemed to give up like the annoying pest he was.

“So… don’t you dare…” she muttered through pursed lips. “don’t you  _ dare  _ die on me. Didn’t you claim that you feared death? Fight harder, you idiot.”

She had an endless list of questions burning in her mind as she observed the sheer abnormality of his injuries. However, there was no time for wondering idly. Subaru was in such a state that even she, a highly skilled healer, had difficulty fixing up even inside the mansion. Frederica’s little brother did surprisingly well in keeping her current patient alive.

Mending the innumerable number of tears in someone’s body tissue and tiny fractures scattered across all his compromised bone structure was a tall task that she was sure nobody in history has had to deal with. She would never complain about healing normal internal damage ever again.

About twenty minutes passed and Subaru was no longer on the precipice of death. That Garfiel, seeing as there was nothing he could do, was stewing in a mix of discomfort and agitation in a corner and shuffling through a random book to distract himself; Betty couldn’t find it in herself to reprimand him for touching one of the library’s precious books at the moment.

Subaru’s condition was improving greatly, but it would take a sustained effort for him to make a near-full recovery with her aid. Sighing, she shifted into a more comfortable position as she heard a voice filter through the door.

“Miss Beatrice? Apologies for bothering you yet again, but could you perhaps let me in?”

This was the third time Frederica had attempted to enter the Forbidden Library. Fortunately, she was still bound by the politesse her status entailed, so she wasn’t brazen enough to shove the door open without proper acknowledgement unlike a certain brazen fellow at her knees.

“You could go outside and talk to your sister,” she muttered. “She’s calling for you, in fact.”

Said brother spat out, “I don’t want anything to do with her. Frederica’s the one who abandoned the Sanctuary.”

Clearly, there was some sort of rift between the two and Beatrice didn’t particularly want the details, so she dropped the topic.

Subaru twitched unconsciously again. He’d been rather restless despite his condition, but this time, his eyes slowly pulled open. With a glazed expression, he surveyed his surroundings and comprehension broke through his dulled perception.

“Beatrice!?” he exclaimed, shooting into a sitting position and immediately collapsing back. “Why am I back at the mansion?”

“So unruly right when you wake up, I suppose. Betty is sure that you know what shape you’re in, so stop flailing if you don’t wish to undo all my work.”

Garfiel jumped into the conversation. “I gotta get back as fast as possible, and you need to be able to survive transit for that. The only reason I hafta play along is ‘cause you were dying. Sanctuary can’t be without it’s shield for more than a day.”

“ _ Wait. _ How long have I been here?” 

“About half an hour.”

A sharp intake of breath from Subaru.

“We have to get everyone out of the mansion or-” he began before cutting himself off. Staring at the blond, he asked, “You can cross the barrier?” 

“Yeah, but that ain’t the problem right now. You were saying?”

Blinking, Subaru slapped his cheeks and continued on. “Right. I can’t believe my luck in getting here so early, but we all have to evacuate this place! There’s a ridiculously strong assassin targeting everyone here! We have to leave  _ now _ !”

“I have no intention of stepping out of this room, but is that the reason someone just entered the mansion?” Betty replied.

That was quite the wrong thing to say. Subaru only appeared to grow more frantic, struggling to get up. “Beatrice! I think she might know how to get through your door crossing too, so you should-”

He’d crumpled back onto the ground, unconscious. Beatrice, holding her palm in front of where his face was a second ago, stared down at him with a flat expression. 

Garfiel lifted a brow in mild surprise. “Huh, you really did just do that.”

“Keep your assumptions of what I’m like to yourself, I suppose.”

If he had kept that up, he’d probably work himself into a bigger fit trying to run about like a legless ground dragon and she’d have to do even more work. What a troublesome fool. 

She then directed the entrance to the location of this ‘assassin lady.’

“Well, no matter. Betty can handle something of this level, I suppose. It would be irritating and risky for these old tomes if she were to somehow get to this place, however unlikely it is, in fact.” 

She looked straight at Garfiel. “I doubt you wish to do anything?”

Said boy let out a huffy “tch” and snorted, “As if I’ve got anything to do with this. Ram forced me to come since Emilia was practically sobbing, and she’s tough enough to take any small threats that pop up for now.”

The assertion was firm, but only superficially. Betty wasn’t dull enough to ignore the nervously impatient fidgeting he’d been doing the whole time. 

“Hm. Wonder how much of that is due to your lack of will to push aside your personal issues with your sibling, even with a deadly foe outside with her?” she replied as she turned the doorknob, not even giving him a chance to respond. Instead, she focused her attention on the black haired woman to her right, taking note of a nearby cracked window with splotches of blood out of the corner of her eye.

The woman in black tilted her head in pleasant shock. “Oh my,” she cooed softly. “I didn’t even have the chance to properly search. How kind of you to show up so obediently, little spirit.”

“Save your nonsense for the grave. Minya.”

A glint of supernatural purple flashed into existence and flew straight at the woman, who immediately intercepted it with a glossy black blade. Quite the reaction time, but nothing specifically unique. A few moments of concentration and barrage of materialized yin arrows led to a graze on the assassin’s leg. 

The woman, even as everything below her knee shattered, simply licked her lips and blushed after she slumped onto the ground. How unpleasant.

“You wouldn’t do very well to underestimate a spirit my age.”

“Indeed. I will take that into account.”

A few more strikes decisively ended the battle, and the deep, wicked purple of her arrows crystallized her entire body into a uniform mass. Tugged by the weight of gravity, what was left standing toppled forward, smashing it into hundreds of glassy shards.

Beatrice sighed dispassionately at the bloodless carnage. One less chore she could tick off her puny to-do list. As she turned back to reenter the library, however, she heard something that made her pause.

“Miss Beatrice!” echoed across the hallway. A blur of black and yellow swiftly approached and she could see splatters of red seeped into her normally pristine dress. “Are you alright? The madwoman didn’t touch you, did she?” 

The most competent maid in the mansion, Frederica, halted in front of the great spirit and gave her a visual body scan. Having spotted no injuries, she sighed in relief.

“Oh dear, thank the dragon. I could only imagine the worst the moment I spotted you two through the window.”

“A uselessly vivid imagination. As you can see, the nuisance has been dealt with already, I suppose,” Beatrice retorted. “I saw the broken window. I assume you were the cause?”

“You noticed and tried to return to the Forbidden Library? How unkind of you to see bloodstains on the window and not investigate, Miss Beatrice,” said Frederica disappointedly. Had they not known each other for so long, however sporadically they might have met in person, the maid would never have been capable of mentioning her thoughts like this. 

With disguised discomfort at her slightly crestfallen gaze, Beatrice muttered, “My only duty in this world is to curate and oversee this library. Any other thing is meaningless to me, except for Bubby, in fact.”

Frederick directed a glance at the nearest door. Undoubtedly, she knew it would lead to the library if Betty so chose.

“Well, I have neither the authority to demand nor need to take your aid,” Frederica said. “Now I need to retrieve Petra from wherever she escaped to, though I did hope I could’ve had a chance to talk with garf fir-“

Suddenly, something seemed off. The maid seemed to have noticed a hair faster, and dropped the sentence off instantly.

A long time ago, mother designed her to physically mimic a human child as closely as possible. Betty never really knew why, but that must’ve fulfilled some sort of purpose somehow. As a result, in this exact moment, realization could strike far faster than she could turn her head.

She closed her eyes as that malicious presence moved closer from behind, as if in slow motion. 

There was no possible way she could dodge in time. Feeling a tiny, weak smile begin to curve her mouth upward ever so slightly, she welcomed her coming fate with a desperate longing.

_ “Miss Beatrice!” _

The maid’s concerned shout, tinged with panic, echoed through Beatrice’s ears. It was the only thing she could hear. She could barely even feel the blade push through her.

… In fact, she couldn’t feel it at all. 

Something warm dripped onto Betty’s head with a plip. 

The smell of iron hung in the air. Spirits don’t have blood.

Opening her eyes, she turned around to a towering golden figure in the way of a black kukri knife, the tip mere inches from Beatrice's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve switched ao3 icons like, twice within the past month since i keep drawing more things but i’ve settled on monochrome betty for now. Hopefully, it’ll stay like that for a while


	6. Mansion Triple “Tag” Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garf, Beatrice, and Petra try their best to not die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this is going to become a beatrice propaganda fic. But as of right now, i hope i can actually get garf’s personality down decently since i’m not as familiar with him as i want. I’ll try to keep cour 2 spoilers to a minimum, but there’s definitely still some.
> 
> If you’re wondering why I made Beatrice so helpful, it’s because I think that once the problem is directly confronting her, she’d feel at least slightly more compelled to do something. It’s much easier to ignore people dying violently if you can’t see it, after all.
> 
> Also, instead of line breaks, I’ll use asterisms now (⁂). I sometimes forget to add line breaks in when transferring chapters to this site and this ensures that it won’t be a problem. Plus, the word has an astronomy-related definition too (bonus rezero points) and they just look cool

This was probably one of the most eventful days in Garfiel’s life, even more than when Frederica chucked him skull-first into a tree for the first time and knocked him out cold. It was the first of many bouts of roughhousing, but it didn’t stop everyone from flying into a panic the first few knockouts.

Somewhat ironically, the current situation was also caused by a blackout-inducing injury, albeit far worse and also not his.

Garfiel wasn’t a very cooperative guy. He’d raised one hell of a storm when he’d initially been volunteered for the job. Unfortunately, while there might have been others capable of healing, he was the only one whose demihuman blood was thin enough that he could approach the barrier without exiting as a corpse.

_ “But I’m the shield of the Sanctuary! I can’t leave!” _

_ “Ha, you say that so haughtily, but it simply belies someone too scared to leave their own house.” _

As expected of the woman he fell for, Ram ripped straight into the core of the issue.

Garfiel shook his head. It was no time to be reminiscing. It had only been ten minutes at most since the Forbidden Library randomly dropped him somewhere in the mansion, and he was dashing through the halls trying to find that little girl; there’s no way she could properly fend off an attacker if the assassin was as strong as the man of the hour claimed.

_ “Would you really let someone die, no matter how irritating, when you’re fully capable of helping? Do you want to have a death on your hands? How cowardly, Garf.” _

Still, her words kept echoing through his head and he clenched his fists. He wasn’t done being pissed off for being forced out, but he might as well test himself a bit on a powerful outsider’s strength. After all, he did need to let out some steam.

The tinny sound of ringing metal and something crystalline shattering bounced off his eardrums. There was fighting in a nearby hall. Veering into a sharp left, he dashed down the hall toward the noise of battle, though calling it a proper battle would’ve been generous. That great spirit was flinging off occasional attacks to hold the assassin at bay, but it was obvious she wouldn’t hold on for much longer. It wasn’t due to lack of combat prowess, though. Rather, it was an inability to fight at her full strength. 

A strangled cry clawed its way out Garfiel’s throat.  _ “Frederica!?” _

Any animosity he’d outwardly show at her presence died away immediately. Though he hasn’t seen her beast form for even longer than her stay away from the Sanctuary, there would never come a day where he wouldn’t recognize it. Her long, glossy coat, contrasting his rougher, shorter fur, was now soaked in red from lying in a puddle of growing blood. 

The girl right beside her was holding a hand over his sister’s stomach, quickly flicking her eyes back and forth between the assassin and too-slowly shrinking wound.

“Oh? How lovely, has another kitten come to join us?” said the woman with a gentle lilt. It was a waste of such a nice voice on an axe crazy killer, who crushed another purple crystal with her kukri the instant she finished her sentence.

It was immediately clear what the situation currently was.

A sour Ferdin must be cackling at his lack of preparation, he thought as he launched himself into the fray. He cursed whatever made him leave his shields back home.

As soon as Beatrice glimpsed Garfiel, she let out a minute sigh of relief. Caught between his quickly dying sister and a murderer intent on offing them both, she must’ve had her hands full.

“Oh, you’re finally here, I suppose? Listen if you want your sister to live, in fact.”

He dodged the assassin’s knife by a hair and landed a solid kick on her side, smashing her into the wall. “I hate your tone, but I’ll hear you out. What d’ya want?”

Beatrice quickly listed her conditions as if she rehearsed them beforehand. “Elsa, I believe that is her name, must be rendered unable to neither attack nor follow us for at least five seconds. Then, we need to carry the maid into the Forbidden Library. I have a spell that should speed up the last part, but you’ll have to help too.”

“Fine,” he huffed. Turning to the curvaceous figure rising from the ground, he experimentally tossed a few glass shards at her face. As expected, she simply darted to the side with a faintly entranced smile.

Garfiel sent a disgusted glare at her. It was lucky that lady seemed to be playing around, as annoying as that sounded, since it gave him a slight advantage while he wasn’t at full strength. Aside from what she was currently attempting to do, she also gave off a revolting aura that was impossible to ignore. 

Just… how many people did she have to kill to raise it to that level? He didn’t want to know.

With a wariness he’d never felt before felt on this level, he stepped forward and flew right at Elsa.

⁂

Petra knew that taking a job at the nearest mansion wasn’t the safest route she could’ve gone with, but the opportunity for decent pay and work experience so close to home was too nice of a lure to pass up. Maybe this also had to do with being closer to Subaru as well, but this was absolutely just a small part of the equation.

Maybe.

Anyways, it was great at first! The Roswaal mansion was far enough that it was novel, and familiar enough that she felt somewhat at ease. She even roughly knew the layout from the time Subaru invited the local village kids to play tag once! 

Miss Frederica seemed a bit disgruntled at that revelation, though. Petra could still remember her chiding his lax behavior and disregard for proper conduct.

Work was tiring. Petra thought she was at least semi-decent at household chores (and she was! She swears!), but the sheer amount of work to be done on a huge mansion, and a somewhat trashed one at that, would make anyone’s head spin. 

Apparently, the current main maid, Ram, was at fault for that. Quite strange how a person who managed the place alone for ages would suddenly start making so many mistakes, but Miss Frederica said not to worry about it as a barely disguised, vaguely concerned expression crossed her face.

Today was going to be a fairly average day of practice and work. There was no sign that anything terrible or even unusual would strike.

While it could be somewhat lonely with only her mentor, that proud smile she wore with every one of Petra’s accomplishments was an easy distraction. In fact, it was right after Miss Frederica praised her for cleaning the rug to near spotlessness that an unnatural stillness seized the elder maid. She quickly kneeled down to Petra’s eye level with a scary gleam in her eye.

No, it wasn’t that her face was scary, per se, it was what her scrunched brow and serious demeanor implied.

“Petra, I’m going to be very clear about this,” she whispered in a rushed tone. “There’s someone within this residence that absolutely should not be here. Someone who feels very dangerous, you understand?”

Feeling nervous tremors in her tiny hands, she nodded her head.

“Good girl. Take the secret passage I told you about and escape. Take care to be as quiet and swift as possible and I’ll attempt to neutralize the threat. I’ll rejoin you in Arlam village later.”

And with that, she dashed out of the room. Petra could’ve sworn she saw what looked like a tail peeking from under her dress as black fabric whirled around the corner, but now was not the time to wonder.

The soft carpet did wonders covering the sound of her rapid footfalls. The click of her uniform’s slippers would be more audible on hardwood and tile, so she was quite grateful for this fortune amidst misfortune. Silently, she thanked it in her head and promised to clean it even better than the rug she washed earlier.

However, halfway to her destination, she halted in her tracks.

_ “Petra, I’m counting on you to watch over Rem, okay?” _

She stood in a cloud of indecision for a few precious seconds. Shaking herself, she began making her way toward that sleeping lady’s room. If it were Subaru, he wouldn’t hesitate, like the time he lept into danger at the knowledge of someone in trouble and saved everyone’s lives.

Plus, Subaru really cared about her. She wanted to be jealous, but the expression she’d spotted on him disparaged the urge before it even began. Though rather undecipherable in complexity due to the context she lacked about Rem, it was obvious that he was in pain, so therefore if Subaru cares about her, then she should try to help too. 

This was what spun around in her head like a mantra as she hurriedly descended the steps. It was also what distracted her from thoughts of what she’s actually do once she got to Rem. Unluckily, she never got to have that unpleasant revelation hit her.

“I’ve finally found the small maid, but where is the large one now? Shouldn’t you be clinging to her at a time like this?”

it was only a few doors away that deathly sweet tone made her legs lock in place. She let out a fearful noise as tears beaded at the corners of her eyes. Before a terror-garbled response could escape her mouth, though, a roar shook the hallway.

“Don’t you  _ dare _ touch her!”

Petra had never felt so relieved in her life, aside from the time she woke up and found herself already rescued from the forest. She took it as her cue to dart into Rem’s room before Frederica could start lecturing her for not listening to instructions.

She heard a crash. Rolling Rem in her blanket, she pulled her onto the floor beside the bed, wincing as her head hit the floor near audibly. Now hidden from direct sight, it should hopefully keep her safe in case that lady looked in. While that scary lady probably knew she came in here, only she would be targeted.

A period of silence. Then, the sound of what seemed like brittle, shattering gemstones rang through the air. Silence, people’s voices, silence again, and then some more shattering noises that interspersed the quiet that followed.

She moved from sitting on the bed to pressing an ear to the door. That was when the shout of “Frederica!” filtered through the door. The tone of voice gave her a thrill of worry.

It was as though full combat resumed with that cry, and she heard and felt something solid hit the wall several rooms over.

Petra was vibrating in place with nothing but muffled sounds to guide her picture of the current situation and she couldn’t stand it. Slowly, she cracked open the door and took a peek from the sliver of the outside visible.

A large mass of fur seemed to be lying on the floor. That shade of yellow was awfully familiar.

Could it really be Miss Frederica? Then the tail she thought she’d spotted wasn’t imagined at all! Thank goodness, she wasn’t old enough to be seeing things that weren’t there.

And speaking of yellow, there was also another blonde sitting right in front of Miss Frederica.

Even though the girl’s back was turned to her, the elaborate, frilly, floor length dress was quite eye catching. There was little chance that it wasn’t the girl wasn’t the elusive librarian Subaru had talked about. It wasn’t that she believed he was lying, but she almost would’ve thought Beatrice didn’t exist had it not been for the elder maid’s confirmation of it. A recluse, she’d described when Petra had asked.

Her twintails whipped around as another crash resounded, quickly turning her head to get a better view of the fight. At the same time, startled by the loud noise, Petra accidentally leaned forward too much and almost fell over. 

That did not escape the notice of the spirit. 

Said girl motioned her over without turning her eyes away from combat. “If you can walk, come over here,” she urged in an assertive voice. 

Petra quickly complied, though she recoiled harshly once she noticed all the blood on the floor, her face turning pallid. Oddly enough, she noted that the spirit’s clothing seemed completely clean.

“At least you can follow instructions, it seems,” Beatrice said. “Listen. The assassin is being held off by the boy over there, but only barely, I suppose. I even have to occasionally assist and deflect a few projectiles she throws my way. My concentration is also being split by healing a fatal wound on this maid. She should be dead by now, but her beast form grants her more vitality. This is where you come in.”

“What can I do in this sort of situation?”

“Simple, carry Frederica through that door. It’s a job for two hands, and I can spare neither.”

_ “Huh?” _

“I haven’t finished talking. I’ll cast a spell that makes her so light, even a baby could pick her up.”

Petra sighed in relief, grabbing Miss Frederica’s tail. It was the only part small enough that she could properly hold. Taking that as a sign she was ready, Beatrice took a breath.

“Murak.”

Wow, Beatrice wasn’t joking when she said light. She swiftly tugged the maid to the door and opened it with all the speed she could muster. The spirit moved alongside her, still alert, with one hand hovering over the healing wound and the other poised for knee-jerk defense. Petra was grateful for the latter after seeing a purple crystal intercept yet another projectile. 

All in all, it was surprisingly quick and simple as promised.

“Garfiel! We’re done!” shouted Beatrice.

The boy in question was littered with deep cuts and some rather nasty gashes. A ghastly sight for a child to witness, but he spat out an “It’s about time!” and planted a solid punch that sent her skidding back.

Smiling creepily, the assassin straightened her posture from her slightly hunched form and drawled, “That hurt quite nicely, would you like to try it again?” 

But Garfiel had already redirected his main objective. He made a mad dash to the open door, taking the advantage of the quick lull in battle. However, to Petra’s horror, it wasn’t just small spikes that the woman could throw.

Before he could completely withdraw into the library, a glossy black knife lodged itself deeply into his left arm. Both Petra and Garfiel had to choke down a cry, but he managed to think clearly enough to slam the door shut behind him. Terrifyingly enough, he swiftly tore the kukri out with only a grunt of pain, and blood practically began gushing out. 

The metal kukri rang as it spun to a stop unevenly on the floor, drawing a semicircle of red on the once clean ground.

“Do you have a death wish, In fact?” snapped Beatrice.

“Course not. I’ll just heal faster without something in the way,” he said while Petra moved in to wrap her handkerchief around the wound.

“Kid, I don’t need it. I have a divine blessing that makes me heal real quick.”

Petra reluctantly backed off. Now that she stopped for a breather, she could practically sob with relief at the sight of the unfamiliar library; a temporary sanctuary from the dangers outside. With that, she began to take in her new surroundings. The smell of paper, books as far as she could see, a table with a tea set, and Subaru struggling to prop himself up on the nearest bookshelf. Thankfully, he seemed to be out of critical condition, but watching him force himself sit upright hurt to watch.

“Mister Subaru! Please lay back down, everything’ll be okay now!”

The boy slumped forward a bit. “No. There’s still more I have to do. We’re not out of the woods yet.”

“Out of the woods? But we were never in it in the first place, weren’t we?”

“Just ignore that. Anyway, I have to talk to Beatrice.”

Petra frowned at him. “You seem like you’re in a big rush. Also, isn’t Beatrice busy right now healing Miss Frederica?”

“Being underestimated again, I suppose,” interrupted a long-suffering voice. “Now that I can direct all my effort into the maid, I’ve stabilized her. She’ll be fine as long as she doesn’t move too much, in fact.”

Relief made his shoulder sag a bit. But then, he tensed again.

“Has... everyone been gathered here?” he asked, painfully weak, almost as if he was scared of hoping.

“No. The blue-haired maid isn’t here, I suppose.”

“I have to get her.”

“And why should I let you do that?”

Beatrice stared unrelentingly into Subaru’s tired, brown eyes, and he stared into her pink, butterfly shaped pupils. Suddenly, his eyebrows rose.

“Butterfly…?”

“Have you somehow not noticed before? If so, then you’re more dull than I could’ve ever thought, I suppose.”

“Could it be that you’re contracted to Echidna?”

“You figured it out, in fact?”

He paused, thinking. “Is that who you called ‘mother’?”

“Did Roswaal tell you that? How annoying.”

“And was she the one who gave you that black book you’re clinging so badly onto?”

Beatrice, temporarily nonplussed by his question, narrowed her eyes. “He... really did tell you everything, I suppose?”

Though directly addressed, Subaru began muttering to himself. “So you really did that, huh, Echidna? My opinion of you just dropped further after that stunt you pulled earlier.”

“Why are you talking as if you know her?” she questioned in disbelief. “And even worse yet, seem to be insulting her? As much as I will tolerate your disingenuousness, this isn’t something I will let slide, in fact!”

“I do know her.”

“Lies. Mother died centuries ago.”

Subaru let out a strangled laugh. “You of all people should know how crafty she can be. Out of anyone in this world, who do you think’s most able to get away not dying normally?”

“...What are you trying to say, I suppose?”

“Echidna’s body might be dead, but her soul’s still here. If you help me, I’ll tell you how you can meet her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehh. sorry about the cliffhanger
> 
> Honestly, Petra seems to be one of the most polarizing rezero side characters i’ve seen. Some people love her, some people hate her. Personally, I’m in the middle, though it’s kinda funny to see her bullying Otto in the chibi shorts, as sad as that sounds. sorry otto, i love you but you’re too easy to mess with


	7. The Unreality of Past and Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain 2, Electric boogaloo at Echidna’s tomb. Starring Betty and Subaru, unfortunately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha! Hgfghksdfiedf. I have found a dialogue guide to garf’s speech pattern. Thank all that is holy, but i’m still not fully committing to it
> 
> I’ve basically lost track of where everything is in the wn and don’t feel like combing through a monster size arc for a few pieces of information

It was a ridiculous proposition, one that Subaru himself was surprised to have let slip. There were too many unknowns. How far could Beatrice go from the library? Was she allowed to go to Sanctuary? Could she even enter the tomb?

Even yet, he felt little urge to take back his offer of potentially reuniting the spirit with her supposed mother. He had little doubt that Roswaal might be up to something, and his reluctance to rely on telling Beatrice he was “that person” made giving this a shot actually sound feasible.

“Lies,” she whispered shakily.

The flat, mildly annoyed expression that Beatrice often wore in Subaru’s presence was nowhere to be seen. Instead, she seemed to flicker through a number of complicated emotions before contorting her face unpleasantly.

“They must be lies, I suppose. Mother would never neglect to tell me something of such high importance!” she snapped, voice growing more steady through anger.

Subaru rubbed the spot he’d once been smacked by her gospel. Such a deviance from her oh-so-beloved book, and one involving its very creator at that, would undoubtedly spark a fairly negative reaction. Having anticipated this, he attempted to compress everything he wanted to say into a few quick lines. “I can get into the tomb even though I’m not a mixed blood, and I ran into Echidna there.”

“What th’ hell?'' interrupted Garfiel. “Yer sayin’ ya met  _ th’ witch? _ If ya think I’m lettin’ that slide, you’d be crazy!”

“Don’t ask me, I just got dropped into a tea party for a few moments. It’s not as if I went looking for her,” Subaru answered impatiently, and probably would’ve clicked his tongue if he was less wary of a certain loose canon’s potential reaction.

Fortunately, despite Garfiel’s forceful words, he actually didn’t seem as hostile as he normally was. “Ha, I doubt she jus’ shows up t’anyone who drops in. Then again, she’s still a witch so I wouldn’ know.”

“How dare you refer to mother so insultingly, in fact!” Beatrice hissed.

“She’s yer mom!?” Garfiel exclaimed, too off-kilter to sound annoyed.

They were getting off topic. Reluctantly, Subaru cut in with, “Beatrice, I’m not lying. Time’s running out. I really will tell you if you make a deal with me.”

Her lips were visibly quivering, whether it be from anger, hurt, or sadness, he didn’t know. “Time?  _ Time? _ My time’s been running on for too long, in fact! If mother’s soul is still alive, there’s no way she would have let the gospel be silent all these years! Mother would have done something, I suppose!”

The bombshell dropped. Staring at her in a daze, he quietly asked, “You… your gospel… so you’ve been doing everything on your own this whole time?” 

“I don’t know why you suddenly look happy,” muttered Beatrice, “but where is your proof that she’s there, I suppose? Do you think I would believe the word of a fool so easily?”

Subaru sighed. “I guess you’re right. Um, I don’t really have any evidence, but-”

“He ain’t lyin’ ‘bout that. I’ve met her once too,” added Garfiel, surprisingly helpfully.

Both Beatrice and Subaru widened their eyes in surprise. “You have?” both said in unison, though she tacked in an “I suppose” at the end.

He gave a nod with his terse reply. “Was pretty short, though.”

And with that, Subaru had some more substantial proof. Taking advantage of the situation, he once again turned to her and said, “If you help me, I’ll try to help you. I promise.”

She had clamped her mouth shut. Her hands were trembling. “I..I…”

“Please, Beatrice,” he pleaded, head bowed. She made a pathetic noise.

Finally, something seemed to snap inside her. “Forgive me, mother,” she whispered.

⁂

Betty could count on a single hand the number of times she had felt this conflicted in her four centuries of existence, and considering the amount of time she’d spend in the library with only her thoughts, she’d grudgingly admit that was an impressive feat. Sadly the one responsible was as pathetic as they came.

The affair was quite fast considering the buildup to this moment. They dropped by that sleeping maid’s room (“I hid her behind the bed so that lady wouldn’t find her,” said Petra as a newly energized Subaru ruffled her hair), and teleported everyone to Sanctuary. Such an endeavor was simple for a yin spirit of her caliber, but it didn’t stop the denizens of the place from jumping in shock when they appeared out of nowhere.

She didn’t have time to deal with a cluster of clueless people at the moment, so she brought up her main concern. “Where from here? This place has changed marginally from the last time I’ve seen it, I suppose.”

“Well, I feel like we should tell the others that we’re back first. Considering how messed up I was, they might be worried that I’m dead, you know?” Subaru commented in a weirdly light tone.

Before Betty could click her tongue at him for dawdling, Petra raised her hand. “We gotta get Miss Frederica somewhere she can sleep, right? So after that I can tell everyone if you tell me where to go!”

“Just get the other boy to lead you, in fact,” Betty said impatiently, jabbing a finger at Garfiel, who obliged with a disgruntled grunt.

Subaru stared in bewilderment. “Is he listening because you look like a little kid, or is it because you’re a great spirit?”

It was a several minute’s walk to the tomb. At this time, nobody was there. The structure had easily withstood the test of time despite the growing vegetation. She felt a flash of pride at mother’s ingenuity, but now that they were there, a swelling tide of indecision threatened to overtake her. Would mother become angry with her for leaving the library for a while? There must have been a reason she never told Betty about all of this, and here she was, attempting to intrude on her rest.

However, she’d already come all this way and it would only be a further insult to her neglected duty if she gave up here. She stepped forward. And then she drew back at the last second before she could get repelled by an invisible force.

“Shit!” shouted Subaru in dismay. “I forgot about that!”

Honestly, Beatrice wanted to curse herself for forgetting the barrier due to her agitation. She tugged at his odd clothing. “You can pass through, correct? Then I know how I can get past it, I suppose.”

Grabbing his hand, she clasped their fingers together. Subaru twitched in shock. Evidently, he seemed to know what was happening on a surface level and she needed to correct him. “Don’t get your hopes up, I suppose. It’s only a temporary binding between us instead of a full contract, though Betty still wishes it didn’t have to come to this.”

“No, that’s not it, I was just surprised,” he defended. “What for?”

“Contracts, or arrangements like ours, can connect us in a way your mind couldn’t possibly comprehend, in fact. Currently, Betty can be somewhat described as an extension of you, as off-putting as that may be. We may continue as long as we maintain physical contact.” 

Subaru blinked a few times and nodded before they walked into the dim halls of the tomb. It radiated an oppressive atmosphere, almost as if her surroundings knew she was an unwelcome visitor and wanted her out, but was being held at bay by something. It was quite uncomfortable, but she must persevere until she could confirm mothers presence and, perhaps, talk to her.

...Echidna. 

The woman was a distant but incredibly clear image in Betty’s mind. Her creator, her teacher. At this point, Beatrice had lived far longer than her beloved mother ever did, which would’ve been a sobering thought if she hadn’t already thought of that a hundred of times over. It made her chest ache that a shining person like her, one truly deserving of the immortality she coveted, died far younger than her own creation.

Squeezing her eyes shut for a second, she pulled herself out of her thoughts. They were in one of the rooms now. 

“Echidna! Invite us!” Subaru called, standing there like he was expecting something to happen. Half a minute of silence passed. 

She was growing more skeptical and worried in equal amounts. Nothin-

**“Behold, an unthinkable past,”** echoed a familiar voice. Before everything went dark, she could see the Subaru toppling over alongside her.

⁂

“-atrice, are you with us?” A cut-off sentence interrupted her sleep. She rolled away from the noise. 

“I didn’t expect you to fall asleep with the sun so high,” continued a soft-spoken voice. It was unfortunate that whoever was talking was a tad more insistent than expected, though.

Something soft tickled her face. Cracking an eye open, Beatrice saw a mass of pale pink looming overhead, framing a pair of deep cyan eyes. The girl standing over her reached out and slightly pinched her cheek.

‘Mughya!” she cried, shooting into a sitting position and rubbing the sore spot.

A soft giggle. “I didn’t squeeze that hard, did I? I’m sorry about that,” replied a girl that didn’t seem sorry at all. “Your reactions are always fun to watch, you know?”

Betty sniffed, a light flush coloring her cheeks. “Hmph! I’ll just get you back later. Why did you wake me up?”

“I’m done with the usual preparation, so I’m free for the rest of today. Do you want to practice now?” Ryuzu prompted.

The leaf-dappled sunlight fluttered as the branches above swayed in the breeze. Ryuzu reached down to Betty. As aloof as Beatrice normally was, she accepted her hand and felt a firm but gentle grip as she let herself be pulled up. There was no particular need to move elsewhere, so they remained under the tree.

“Try observing it.” Ryuzu snapped her fingers, and without so much as an incantation, a ball of water materialized over her palm. There was no need for physical gestures at all, but it seemed like an odd habit she’d picked up years ago and never stopped doing.

The water began moving peculiarly in complex swirls as the half-elf began her explanation. “While you do need the raw mana to heal, you also need to direct it.” 

“Betty knows already,” she huffed, crossing her arms. “The sphere of light that healing creates looks simple, but there’s more to it than some think. You’ve already taught me the basics.”

“You’re so impatient. Repetition is the key to learning that truly sinks in. Plus, I might as well hone my teaching skill on you since you’ll point out all my errors,” commented the half-elf. “But then again, you can be quite tetchy so it doesn’t bother me at all.”

Betty blinked when a newly snapped twig was placed in front of her. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

“Practice. It’s not like I’ll let a beginner do it on flesh and blood even if they are rather precocious,” she stated as if it were obvious.

Oh. of course it was. Light began emanating from Beatrice’s hands as she attempted to mend it. Already, the broken fibers took in the mana and began mending themselves, reconnecting where the two halves split. 

When it was done, she raised her head and said, “As if mother created something that couldn’t even handle this.”

Ryuzu covered a small laugh with her hand. “Yes, I know. Echidna’s quite the remarkable witch. I’m grateful to have been approached by her. Maybe I can play a part larger than myself now that she’s ready to start the immortality experimentation.”

“When it’s over, then mother and Betty can stay together forever. It’s a good thing spirits don’t have a set lifespan. It was probably taken into account when deciding what to make Betty,” she asserted.

“Mhm,” Ryuzu agreed, though a strangely wistful expression sat on her face. “In fact, it’s set to begin soon.”

Surprised, she exclaimed, “After all this time? Wasn’t it set to take place at least a month later. How has Betty not heard?”

“Echidna seems to be in a bit of a hurry. I don’t know why, but there seems to be a reason behind her decisions,” answered the half-elf, though she added, “It might be a bit selfish, but would you come with me?”

It would be strange not to attend such an event, seeing as though history was going to be made soon. “Betty would have gone even if you hadn’t asked. Naturally, it would be something anyone would want to witness.”

Ryuzu smiled. “I know that, but just felt like checking. For now, could you just hold my hand?”

“Eh? Why?” sputtered Beatrice.

“Just for a little while. Please?” she asked almost teasingly.

With that, the blond acquiesced and they wove their fingers together. Becoming highly aware of the contact, she turned her head away.

“Your ears are a little pink,” Ryuzu noted verbally.

“No, they’re not,” Betty replied as they made their way down a winding path. A few demihumans waved at them as they passed by, having recognized them. While Beatrice turned her nose uncomfortably at the attention, Ryuzu quietly waved back.

It wasn’t long before they saw a familiar blue speck shoot off into the sky, hovering in place for a second until it seemed to locate the direction it wanted to go, then vanished into the distance. That was quite strange of Roswaal to do. Normally he was practically glued to mother’s side, reading, or experimenting with his magic.

Ryuzu tightened her grip on Beatrice’s hand, perhaps unconsciously. Betty, confused, turned to her for clues.

“I-” she shook her head, pink hair swishing around slightly. “No, let’s head to the lab. I need to see something.”

The tension in her gaze was a bit worrying, only a little, as she swiftly took off. Betty stood still for a second, then followed.

The scent of ammonia flooded their noses when they came inside the building but neither had the desire to mention it. As expected, mother was there, shuffling through a stack of papers as she rapidly arranged a few instruments on her desk. She didn’t even react to their presence until she set down a vial.

“I knew you’d show up soon. I wished I could poke around more, but unfortunately, I’ll have to make do,” Echidna sighed. “Ryuzu, you know what to do.”

Said girl gave a small, affirming bow. Then, she turned to Betty. “Sorry about not telling you ahead of time, Beatrice. We have to say goodbye now,” she murmured apologetically.

There was a tone of finality to her words. It wasn’t the expression of someone intending on coming back, and somehow, it rocked Beatrice to the core.

“What? Where are you going?” she asked dumbly. “What do you mean by goodbye?”

“I have a purpose to fulfill now. It just so happens that it won’t be one I can return from.” Walking forward, Ryuzu answered, “Hector has finally come for us, and we’ll be destroyed if I don’t act. I’ll form the core of the Sanctuary’s shield in exchange for my life.”

She was stopped in her tracks by a tug on her sleeve. “But... why you?  _ Why you?” _ Beatrice demanded, voice rising. Before she could continue, however, she was struck mute by the steady light in the half-elf’s eyes.

“I agreed to this all beforehand. I’m doing this because I volunteered to,” she said.

It would be incorrect to think Beatrice had no words left; more accurately, it could be said her mouth couldn’t form anything coherent.

Ryuzu closed her eyes. Gently, she turned around and grasped the hand on her sleeve. “This might not sound like much, but thank you. It was nice being with you for all this time, and don’t forget to work on your water magic. I know you obsess over your yin magic studies, but I want something… a little more personal to be left behind too,” the half-elf admitted.

Tears beaded up in Beatrice’s eyes as a blue luminescence began slowly emitting from Ryuzu’s body. “You’re a spirit, so you’ll hold onto it longer than I probably could. I’m not worth much more than I can give, and maybe you could help others with your skills. I know you can do it.”

The radiating light was increasing in intensity, and she couldn’t properly see Ryuzu’s face anymore.

“Beatrice,” she said once again. “Thank you.”

Knees locked, the little spirit watched on as the lab returned to its usual dimness, though now with a new source of cold, blue light. 

An enormous blue crystal remained where Ryuzu once stood, encasing a lithe, pink-haired girl.

It was in the midst of psychic tension that the illusion of this world suddenly fell away and she found herself lying on the ground with her memories returning, not that it eased her pain.

It was her first loss, the first out of so many where there was nothing she could do but go against mother’s word so she didn’t. But there must have been something she could’ve done. Was she inadequate? If mother created her she shouldn’t have any flaws, so was this a fault stemming from Beatrice’s own mind? 

She failed over and over and couldn’t stop anything for anyone. They all left her behind.

Shakily, she counted. Ryuzu, forever suspended in pyroxene. The first Roswaal, permanently maimed from the fight with Hector. Mother, long dead, having never completed her biggest wish before it was all cut short.

She couldn’t even find “that person” for centuries, the last written command from her gospel.  _ Centuries, _ and she still failed. She couldn’t stop anything. Why was she even alive? Just so the contract wasn’t violated? What a pathetic excuse of a spirit.

Miserable, Beatrice barely noticed when a hand larger than Ryuzu’s clamped down on hers, jolting her out of haze.

Subaru’s eyes flew open and he immediately attempted to get up. A reflexive action that led to him crashing back onto the ground.

“B-Beatrice? Oh, that’s right, you’re here,” he mumbled after a garbled string of words. “Was that a trial? Wait, did...did  _ you _ get dragged into one? I’m so sor-”

She watched in disgust and subconsciously, faint concern, as Subaru retched. However, he barely had a moment to catch his breath before he stiffened and fell over.

If he led her into this tomb knowing she’d also be dragged into whatever just happened, she could confidently say that she’d never want to see the fool again. However, that didn’t seem to be the case. Subaru was a terrible liar and was too cowardly to hurt anyone in the mansion. It was a hundred times more likely that this was the product of sheer idiocy.

Subaru gasped after Beatrice sat for a while, collecting her thoughts. She opened her mouth to chide at him, but he began rolling around in a frenzy. It was difficult to hold on to him, considering how he acted as if she weren’t even there.

“P-please, stop!” he whimpered in anguish at something Beatrice couldn’t see. In desperation, he tried to stand, only to collapse once more.

Realization struck her; how had she been so witless? Subaru was likely reliving one of the worst moments in his life like she did, but over and over again.

All the irritation she’d built up at him sank into horror.

“Wake up, I suppose!” she shouted, frantically shaking his limp body in an attempt to wake him back up. While it worked, he was only coherent enough to uselessly flail around. There was no way he could leave like this. Thinking fast, she cast a murak and pulled him toward the exit before another realization occured. The door may have been open, but she could feel something blocking the way.

Spirits are typically more sensitive to their surroundings mana-wise, and a great spirit like her could tell something was wrong. While not trapped in an illusion, they no longer stood in reality. The malodorous stench of vomit was gone too.

Subaru seemed to have fallen unconscious yet again. This time, it took a little longer to jerk him into wakefulness, but to even poorer results. He didn’t say anything properly this time. Only a mix of cries and incomprehensible rambling came out, and very soon, he was knocked out yet again.

He would pass out, she’d wake him up, and he’d pass out again. At some point, he just stopped moving or making any noise, and his dull eyes stared into nothing when he bothered to open them at all. It was as if he’d been wrung dry. 

Beatrice almost felt like swearing at the dragon, not to it. Merely watching tore at her sanity, and she had no desire to feel whatever the boy was going through. Would he be tormented forever in this plane of existence? It was like kicking a dog, no, mercilessly beating one over and over with a club. Only a sadist of immeasurable proportion would’ve enjoyed this.

Just when it seemed like it would never end, Subaru’s eyes opened, and finally,  _ finally, _ they stayed open. She breathed a sigh of tense relief.

“You must be tired after all that, but right now, we cannot rest, I suppose.” The pure mental exhaustion was evident on his face, but she didn’t mince words. Who knows if or when they’d have to suffer this whole ordeal again if they didn’t get out?

“...Tired? Am I tired? Do I even have the right to be tired when I haven’t done anything yet?” he rambled. “If I hadn’t been so useless, if I was actually decent at something, everyone wouldn’t have to suffer so much.”

The trauma-induced confession stunned her into silence. The contrast between him and the upbeat fool she’d been exposed to for a month was staggering.

“If the world doesn’t get reset when I die, how many times did I leave them to suffer? How many people died because of me?” Clawing at his chest, every word sounded like he was barely squeezing them out of his throat. “I let you die. I let you die so many times,” he claimed in a strained voice.

Was this delusion? “What is this about death and dying, in fact? Betty cannot say anything about the others, but can you not see that she is standing here despite her wishes, I suppose?” she responded to his enigmatic statement.

She might as well have never said that, considering his unstable mind seemed to filter out her admittedly lacklustre attempt at consolement. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, tears rolling down his face. “I’m so, so sorry. I was stupid to think I could actually help, but I only made everything worse over and over. Why does everyone keep getting hurt so much? Did… did I deserve seeing that?”

Beatrice started panicking a little. “Betty doesn’t know what you’ve done, but you couldn’t have deserved whatever you just went through, I suppose. You’re too much of a nebbish to hurt anyone on purpose.” Surprisingly, that seemed to have an effect, but not a particularly strong one.

“Even if it was by accident or on purpose, I still killed every-” Subaru snapped his mouth shut and cut the sentence short. Cautiously, as if testing something, he slowly repeated, “I let you die.”

“Like Betty said, I’m alive right now, in fact,” the spirit said questioningly. Why did he keep saying that?

“I can return by death.” His words were barely audible.

Beatrice narrowed her eyes “Such a morbid thing to say, I suppose, whatever that means.” She was seriously starting to doubt his sanity but then, like a broken faucet, tears practically started pouring down Subaru’s face.

“Ugh, this is the second time already, you’d think I’d have gotten less weepy,” he muttered, rubbing his face dry with a free arm. “I must look like a mess right now, so feel free to judge me. What were you saying earlier?”

The eerily sudden calm brought time for Beatrice to control her welling anxiety. “We aren’t truly in the tomb now, I suppose. We have to get out. Betty will try to figure out a way to escape this dreadful unreality, in fact.” 

“Oh dear, wouldn’t that disregard the reason you two came in the first place?” said an achingly familiar voice. 

She felt her heart stop in her chest.

The dark, barely lit room warped and vanished, leaving them on a serene grassy hill. Everything was unnaturally lurid.

“Thank you, Beatrice. Because of you, there was no need to send in Carmilla. I’d rather not be in someone’s debt, you know?” mentioned a voice far too casual for the situation. A woman under a parasol tucked back a few strands of swaying white hair as the clink of porcelain echoed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that i know beatrice’s speech pattern even less than I thought I did
> 
> For some reason, I keep putting off class selection for next semester. maybe because i dread the future since i'm scared of locking myself into a job that i'll hate and can't get out of, which is nice because no matter how much i like something, i'll lose any interest whatsoever as soon as i start taking classes on it or treating it as a career move :)


	8. Parent and Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice faces some highly unpleasant revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a shot at an echidna pov. I feel like there’s a ton of info we still don’t know about her, so i wonder how well this’ll age. I also edited about half this chapter on my phone since there was a mass wifi 'outage' or whatever you call it, and only my phone had cellular

To the best of her knowledge this was still quite the unexpected event. Though to be fair, hazarding a guess as to why this occurred was a simple task even with the sparse amount of precedence. 

The nature of his highly desirable ability was probably the direct cause.

As she contemplated the new batch of information, she watched as one of her guests staggered unsteadily to his feet.

“Echidna,” he grumbled, “what the _hell_ was that? I thought I was about to go insane.”

She answered smoothly. “The trial of the present. A thoroughly constructed world, formed in part from your own memories. As the rarely seen authority of envy, Return by Death is a power mysterious even to me. Who’s to say what you saw hasn’t occurred in another world?”

He flinched, struck mute by the mere possibility. Seeing the hopeful glint in his eye, she knew what he would ask and had swiftly shut him down.

“But still, you really do bring all sorts of surprises into my life, don’t you?” Turning to the trembling girl right beside him, she commented, “Even Beatrice, whom I never thought I’d see again, was pulled into your flow and accompanied you into this nigh inaccessible world of dreams.”

It was only after being verbally addressed that Beatrice stood. Eyes already wet, she tipped her head up the hill to her. “... Mother?” she said, voice timorous. “You’re a bit different now, but you’re still her, right?”

Inclining her head, Echidna gave her creation the usual agreeable smile.

“Betty’s-I’m sorry,” she stuttered, snapping into a shame-filled bow. “So deeply sorry for failing to complete her duty, but having the nerve to return here regardless, in fact.”

“Don’t worry, Beatrice, you’ve performed your task admirably. I’ve been observing your progress,” Echidna replied.

Curiously, that only made her grit her teeth harder. “Please don’t feel the need to be kind, I suppose. Betty deserves any insult mother holds in her heart, especially if you've been aware of my lack of results the whole time.”

“My creation, I haven’t told a single lie,” she confirmed. “I’m truly, wonderfully fine with everything you’ve done.” 

A muffled sniff responded to her words. Echidna was mildly surprised at how well Subaru faked his composure as he watched in concern, but still seemed unwilling to cut into a reunion between a creator and her child.

Beatrice failed to hold back tears. Tense posture released, hot droplets rolled down her face as she sobbed quietly in relief at her mother’s words, spilling out choppy sentences between hiccups as she slowly looked back up. “That’s too-that is far too kind for a failure begging forgiveness, I suppose, b-but thank you for this kindness.”

“I’m glad you feel that way. Now that that’s settled,” Echidna said, turning to Subaru, “we have other things to discuss.”

He stared blankly for a moment, evidently surprised by the sudden shift in topic, then took a step uphill before pausing to tap on Beatrice’s shoulder. “Hey, Beatrice, let’s go,” he said gently. 

The spirit nodded wordlessly as she trailed behind him. Her face had been hastily rubbed dry, though the redness of her eyes and cheeks still betrayed the recent upset.

Without fanfare, both were now seated at the table. The table was already set with chairs and sweets. The latter was just for show since she knew neither would touch them, but a host must show proper courtesy regardless of whether anyone would care for it or not.

Echidna swirled the liquid in her teacup for a moment, took an easy sip, and clinked it on the saucer when she put it down. “The mansion’s inhabitants have been saved from the assassins. I’m quite sure that’s a weight off your shoulders, but you still have steep obstacles ahead. Letting your guard down would be a bad idea.”

“I know that better than anyone,” Subaru sighed, exhaustion tinging his words. “We still have to deal with the trials first, or somehow get rid of the Great Rabbit before it reaches anyone.”

“Exactly. Neither option is easy, and that Garfiel boy will only make things more difficult either way,” she added.

He rested his forehead on his knuckles as if he had a headache. “That thug, huh. At this point, I don’t even know what he’s-”

“Wait,” interrupted a timid, unsteady voice. They paused and turned to Beatrice, who had a somewhat bewildered expression on her face. “Why do you two sound as if you know the Great Rabbit’s movements, I suppose? It's difficult to predict and I doubt mother is able to in her current condition.”

Echidna formed an o-shape with her mouth, feigning surprise. “Ah, that. It’s a bit of a long story, but the one best suited to tell is the one who experienced it, correct?”

That only made Beatrice even more confused. She stared with narrow eyes at Subaru, who, for some reason, had gone unnaturally still at Echidna’s insinuation. Shouldn’t he be happy at an opportunity to tell someone else?

“I’d rather not shove my problems onto other people,” Subaru admitted after a period of quiet. “I’ve caused enough trouble for everyone and Beatrice’s got too much on her plate to hear about this.”

Said spirit seemed oddly irritated by the statement. “Tch. You’ll only cause more problems by hiding information. Is this about ‘Return by Death,’ I wonder?”

Subaru’s gaze snapped to her “How did you-” 

“Don’t take me for a fool, I suppose,” Beatrice stated. “Both mother and you mentioned those morbid words, so whatever it is, it seems to be important.”

Ah, she finally brought it up. The ability so central to the situation at hand, and one of the few things that could potentially satisfy her perpetual, endless desire for more. Her little spirit might not have the same voracity for knowledge, but she for sure wasn’t clueless.

Echidna decided to drop a few hints. “Beatrice, remember what he said prior to my appearance?”

Subaru sent her a warning glare.

“Yes, mother,” she began, unsure. “But they seemed like delirious mutterings, I suppose. Senseless.”

Nodding, Echidna replied, “You’re a clever child. You can figure out most of it on your own. That, I am certain of.” It wouldn’t do to test his good will at the moment, so she stopped there and changed the subject. “Subaru’s sheer determination has carried everyone quite far, so it’s strange that he doesn’t wish for recognition.”

“What are you going on about?” he replied harshly, tightening his grip on the chair. “Something like determination doesn’t matter until you get results.”

“Now, now, don’t treat yourself like that. Every single moment of your struggle has been worth something,” she countered. He was dearly underestimating the value of lived experience.

Sadly, his words confirmed that. “Just being worth _something_ doesn’t mean it’s worth it in the end, and the pain I’ve inflicted on everyone can’t ever be forgiven even if it does reset in this reality,” he replied narrow mindedly.

“Discard mistakes that aren’t relevant anymore,” stated the witch, smile unwavering. “You’ve given your life over and over to secure the position you’re in now, and that is something to be admired no matter what. I of all understand what you have been through, and I forgive every atrocity that has arisen from your actions.”

That shut him up for a moment, then a thoroughly confused stare was directed to her. “This doesn’t feel right. You’re being too nice to me.”

“Of course I am. I have an ulterior motive. However, a pure maiden like me needs to warm up before the offer is properly made,” she claimed easily, breaking eye contact. 

A blush covered her cheeks as she made her long awaited request. “Natsuki Subaru, would you consent to forming a contract with me?”

He let out a noise of disbelief as Beatrice, whose gaze was darting between them as if watching a ping pong match, froze on Echidna. 

She continued speaking. “If you agree, all the knowledge I possess would now be at your disposal. Recall all the seemingly insurmountable tasks you’ve faced? You would then have more than yourself to depend on for judgement.”

He spoke inaudibly under his breath, possibly something self-demeaning.

“Moreover, you’ll have an understanding figure supporting you at all times, and with the weight of your sins crushing you, that might be necessary comfort. As an evil, calculating witch, I’ve taken this all into account.” she added. 

At that, Beatrice’s breathing became slightly irregular, but evened out enough to say, “The mere offer of mother’s aid is a rare and valuable opportunity, in fact. Anyone who refuses her wisdom would be a moron.”

That seemed to convince him. Even after all this time, Beatrice was such a helpful little girl.

“Is that so?” he responded with a tired, partially amused admittance. “Well, you’re a lot smarter than I am. Do I have to shake her hand or something?”

_“So you will?”_ she exclaimed, palms slapping the table and making the porcelain chink. The belated realization of coming on too strong sunk in and she quickly adopted a composed manner. “I mean, if you insist, I won’t turn you down.”

Her enthusiastic appearance actually seemed to lower his guard further. Almost jokingly, he shouted a jab at her behavior and she opted to ignore it. “If it’s settled already, then we’ll need to form a bond between our souls. Hold out your palm.”

Sighing with a barely disguised relief, he lifted up his arm and-

A muted sniffle caught his attention. Subaru stopped, as if attempting to pinpoint the sound’s location, then turned his head to the spirit beside him.

“Why have you stopped, I wonder?” Beatrice muttered snappishly, uncomfortable with the attention.

“No, it’s just-” began Subaru, “... you look a bit lonely, somehow.”

She let out a displeased huff. “There isn’t any need to be worried, I suppose. Betty should be far above your concerns.”

With uncertainty, he acquiesced to her reasoning and said, “Alright, we’ll talk about it later if it bothers you that much,” before reaching his hand out again.

Echidna watched in annoyance as a white blur slammed into the boy full force.

A mushroom cloud of dust, peppered with visibly swirling mana hearts, rose into the air and marked the duo’s landing spot behind a nearby hill. If this was in life, it wouldn’t be surprising if she were accused of creating magic-induced explosions.

“Min...erva?” Beatrice said falteringly. “Was that Minerva? She’s here too?”

“Oh my, still remember that silly girl? Your memory’s quite good,” she responded as cries of “moron!” and “stupid!” resounded in the distance. The praise didn’t provoke any reaction, unexpectedly. The spirit simply stared dazedly toward the source of the commotion, deep in thought.

The Witch of Wrath landed back in front of them with Subaru in a headlock that would’ve undoubtedly snapped his neck had it been anyone else. “You stopped, and immediately tried to take her hand right again? You’re an idiot falling for her mean tricks without thinking twice! Stupid!”

Interference, but Echidna had easily foreseen her antics far in advance.

“Let go! What the hell’s your problem?” Subaru clamored right as Minerva struck his skull with the force of a barreling truck.

“You finally seeing things straight now?” she demanded in a fury. “If you don’t get it even with a clear head, then you’d be completely hopeless!”

The exhaustion in his eyes had cleared up. He blinked a few times, as if clearing his vision, then fixed the Witch of Greed with a questioning stare. “If you’re here, and Minerva is here, then what was up with the body substitutions earlier?”

“I simply omitted some information,” she offered guiltlessly. “If all the witches were to come and go, there would be chaos. Remember how Typhon ripped off a limb and shattered your body into dust within a minute of meeting you? That was with only one witch in the room.”

Subaru replied after a second of deliberation, as if an epiphany struck. “Oh, I guess that makes sense. I’d rather not go through more of that.”

The same quick acceptance didn’t cross Beatrice’s face. “Typhon shattered you?” she whispered in unconcealed dismay.

“Just once. Everything turned out fine, though,” he added. Noticing her growing horror, he hurriedly attempted to placate her with, “But it didn’t hurt! Don’t worry!”

It didn’t work. If anything, it agitated her even more, which might turn out poorly considering their next guest.

“I heard my name a lot, so I came to see!” piped up the playful voice of a little child. “ But Chidna, it’s not good to hide things, you know? It’s not a sin, but it’s aw~fully close.”

That silly nickname could only mean the arrival of Pride, and the necessity for Witch of Greed to justify herself. “He didn’t ask so there was no obligation to list them, though the supposed downsides are negligible with the mindset of achieving the desired end.”

Sekhmet’s arrival was inevitable at this point given Typhon’s appearance, and Echidna’s assessment was immediately proven correct when a purple mass of hair materialized out of the corner of her eye.

“Haah,” came a labored breath. “Shouldn’t the severity of the consequences -haah- be judged by him and not you?”

The familiar creaking of the centipede coffin also signaled Daphne’s presence and she rolled in. “Ah, It’s not just Donadona anymore! It’s been so long since so many of us showed up at once!”

Subaru’s demeanor grew more panicked at the growing number of witches. “Typhon, and now you two? What are you talking about? Why are you here?”

“Boy, think a bit harder. She might not be lying, -haah- but there are things you shouldn’t accept at face value,” Sekhmet insinuated. 

That did it. A faint spark of suspicion was finally lit. He stilled himself and looked to Echidna for answers.

While Carmilla was unlikely to join, all this delay was mildly annoying. “Don’t listen to them, Natsuki Subaru,” she declared authoritatively. “If you take my hand, I will, without fail, lead you to your cherished goal. If it’s for that, then what do you stand to lose?”

“And -haah- what will happen in between now and then?” Sekhmet exhaled. Echidna saw a troublesome expression creep over Subaru’s face

⁂

Currently, Beatrice was the definition of internal turmoil.

Setting her own two eyes on mother after four centuries of emptiness was, to put it simply, euphoria inducing. All doubts fell away at those deep eyes that had once overseen her creation, the careful hands that had once moulded her blank mind, and a mouth that never snapped at her no matter how terribly she fumbled.

Beatrice was born for one purpose only. She was a spirit meant to serve her creator, and that had not changed.

Despite Beatrice’s lack of regret at her temporary departure, coming here still incited distress from within. It was wholly necessary to apologise for her numerous transgressions, and all were forgiven by her ever patient mother.

She would be content to bask in her presence had the crushing sense of failure been a tenth of what it was currently. Amnesty from the one who expected so much from her was both a blessing and a curse, but one she would take gratefully; she would not ask any more for fear of overstepping her bounds and truly invoking mother’s disappointment.

However, the conversation between mother and that boy became increasingly suspicious. Grasping a view on a future without a gospel’s aid. Discussions about other worlds. Implications that he’d _died_ and somehow didn’t stay dead. It almost seemed like they were talking on a separate plane of a different world. 

Somehow that wasn’t the last of the oddities.

In their month of acquaintance, Subaru always played host to a nigh hyperactive energy; a perpetually nosy, cheerful, and childish butler who constantly chased the heels of his silly crush. He’d have moments where deeper issues would accidentally slip out, but generally acted as the guiltless nuisance he was. Guiltless was the last word she could ascribe to him now. It almost felt wrong to witness.

The contract offer to the one person that _might_ have been “that person” sparked the familiar sense of loss that she despised so much, no matter how fleeting. In fact, she almost felt relief when the Witch of Wrath intervened, at least, until witches began materializing one after the other as if none of them had died centuries ago.

Mother managing to escape death, Beatrice could accept. However, the fact that more witches were here likely meant that Echidna prepared for it.

If she prepared for it, she saw it in advance. And if she planned it in advance, then… 

It meant that she specifically didn’t tell the spirit about a decision as major as a death plan, and left her mourning cluelessly in the Forbidden Library. That was a painful realization that tore at her worn heart. Mother must have had a good reason for doing so, she still lamented internally, though there was little time to dwell on the thought.

Echidna raised her arms into the air, as if readying herself for a speech of grand proportion. She opened her mouth and words tumbled out in an excited rush.

Beatrice gleaned much information, more specifically, she finally received more clarification on Subaru’s ability. That “return by death” they talked of was an incomprehensibly powerful authority with the power to defy time itself. She never would’ve believed such a thing existed when even the most advanced magic couldn’t hold a candle to it.

That wasn’t what shook Beatrice to the core, however. Within an unbroken spiral of ceaselessly incessant rambling, she evenly spoke the wild explanation of her desires in a manner that commanded everyone’s full attention, a feat considering the sheer length of her vow of love.

It was logical. Every sentence made sense and each line had an overall purpose, but, in that same rational stroke was madness only achievable through intense yearning and an outstanding selfishness devoid of morality.

Her inviting smile, plastered on in an attempt to seem friendly, had chipped away word by word to reveal something incomprehensibly monstrous.

An ability like Subaru’s likely incurred an incredible cost. Beatrice wasn’t going to disregard what the name “Return by Death” implied, and how it combined with Echidna’s desire to fulfil her infinite want of knowledge.

Was this really her mother? Had her authority finally driven her mad? Only a truly insane being could throw their soul into those words with a wholehearted sincerity that even a devoted daughter with an ounce of sense hadn’t a chance in hell of defending her.

Echidna confirmed her sentiments as Subaru hurled accusations one after the other, damning herself further. Beatrice could hardly stitch a coherent sentence together as watched on.

“Mother, you’re not… why-” she murmured shakily, voice cracking as tremors spread throughout her body. “No, what happened to you?”

During her time within the Forbidden Library, the memories of her youth and mother must have played tens of thousands in her head. While not always idyllic, they were a lifeline she had clung to in the worst of nights where she would eye a shard of a shattered teapot, slowly running her fingers over the rough edge for hours while contemplating, but never doing. 

There was little comfort in reminding herself of the task she was given, so instead, she would reminisce. Even if nostalgic memories tormented her, they also brought a spark of warmth.

Once, Beatrice had read a text on theories of the mind. _Every time you recalled something,_ it claimed, _you were remembering the last time you remembered it and every time it gets more distorted, if only minutely._ By that logic her memories must’ve been warped beyond repair.

That conclusion made her throw the whole theory out, but maybe it had a kernel of truth all along. Or possibly, the eyes of a naive, idolizing girl captured little of Mother’s less savory side. Though power and intelligence still radiated from her very being, the image of a shining mother, having been built up over countless fond remememberings, fractured. 

What was left of Beatrice’s self preservation scabbled to keep her together.

Echidna, gaze floating between her and Subaru, watched on uncomprehendingly. “You’re both behaving rather oddly. I know my words were not planned in advance, but I don’t think I sounded that terrible.”

“Were you always like this?” Beatrice asked, lips trembling. “How much have you hidden?”

“What do you mean by that? If no one asks, it was never hidden in the first place.” She replied innocently.

Steeling herself, the spirit clenched fistfuls of her dress. “Ever since Betty came here, there’s one question I’ve been wanting to ask, I suppose.”

“Oh,” she said without a hint of genuine curiosity. “What might that be?”

“My gospel, the one you gave me, stopped years ago after delivering one last instruction, in fact,” Beatrice stated. 

Recognition flickered in Echidna’s eyes. “Yes, that. You’ve been taking good care of it.”

Without verbally acknowledging her response, the spirit continued on. “As mother is the most intelligent person to have lived, you must have some clue who ‘that person’ is, I suppose. Betty apologizes for being a failure, but if you tell me, I can finally fulfil my purpose.”

“I’d rather not,” Echidna pouted. “That would defeat the reason for giving the order.”

That response threw her off kilter enough that Beatrice paused for a few seconds. Instead Subaru jumped in with his own thoughts. “I don’t get what’s going on, but neither of us have any patience for you right now. Spit it out,” came an unsympathetic reply. 

“Such crude language to use on a maiden like I. It's not like I can’t make another order, though,” she sighed while placing a hand on her cheek. “‘Them’ is anyone.”

“Sorry? Be more specific, this isn’t philosophy class,” he snapped as understanding slowly dawned on Beatrice’s already exhausted visage. 

Echidna, neither annoyed nor amused, answered. “Simple. Beatrice could pluck someone from the street and they would be ‘that person.’ Beatrice has always been one of my more interesting creations, and I wished to see her choice unbound from my judgement. Quite the experiment, no?”

If Beatrice had blood, her nails would’ve undoubtedly dug deep enough to smear her palms with it.

That time agonizing and wanting to die. All her desperate confusion and stamping out flaring flickers of hope. Everything could have ended within a single hour of the ink manifesting on paper.

In a volatile flurry of hurt and disbelief, the spirit cried. “ _How much was I ever worth to you?”_

Strangled wailing, built over the course of four hundred years, rang throughout the air as ominous dark clouds raced across the ever green landscape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When i wrote the “anyone could be them” line i was thinking abt the ending scene in ratatouille (i spelled that in one try) where remy goes “when gusteau said ‘anyone can be a cook’ he meant didn’t mean everyone could be great at cooking but a good chef can come from anywhere”
> 
> Prepare for more beatrice next chapter too


End file.
